


A Christmas in Boston

by SmokeMonsterSyd



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-19 13:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17002641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmokeMonsterSyd/pseuds/SmokeMonsterSyd
Summary: Unsatisfied with life in Chicago, Maura quits her job and moves back to Boston, after spending a long time away, just in time for Christmas. What will happen when she runs into someone from her past, someone she had never forgotten?It's like those Hallmark Christmas Movies™ but leads to eventual Rizzles. AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Okay so I know some of you are waiting for an update to A Road to Nowhere With You and I promise I am working on it, but THIS has been in my head for a while and I needed to write it out and share it because we all know we want this lol.  
> I added the prologue into the first chapter because I really don't want the chapters to be off. It'll just confuse me, so for my peace of mind, and hopefully yours, I added it to the first chapter.  
> I hope to finish this before Christmas, but if I don't, that's okay!!! We love Christmas in January lol. You guys know that woman who is obsessed with Christmas in the santa clause 2 movies? That's me.  
> Anyway, please enjoy the best Hallmark movie of all time.

**Prologue**

 

Winter. The time that all things die to give new life in spring, and an end of an era for Maura Isles. The cold wind slices through her jacket as she steps out of her personal town car, and the rain soaks her hair like an ice bath. Snow covers the school yard, and ice blankets the sidewalks causing kids to slip and slide like cartoon characters. She had tried her hardest to dress warmly, but the soft knit if her hat doesn't seem to be cutting it now that it's soaked to the bone. The winter seems to take everything out of her, like her warmth, her smile...her happiness. To be fair, it's not really the season's fault that she's unhappy today.

 

She can't help but feel sad and alone as she walks up the front steps of the school that final day. Sure, her year and a half at Bayley Elementary had been fun, but Maura knew that this was the decision she had to make. Tomorrow, she will be leaving for France, but today she still has this place.

 

And Jane. She sighs to herself and thinks, _Oh, Jane, I'm so sorry._

 

The warmth of the building hits her like a freight train, her nostrils drying so quickly that she almost forgets how to breathe. There is mud on the linoleum floor, just barely underneath a caution sign that is too small for the mess created by all the children. Maura wonders why they even try to put a sign out.

 

The colorful and cheerful artwork on the walls of Turkeys, colored leaves, and Christmas trees do nothing for Maura's mood. Most days she would be happy to see the handmade holiday decorations created with love by her peers, but they only serve to make her even more sad. She knows she will be gone for Christmas and she knows that she won't come back.

 

When she arrives at the classroom, she is thankful that unruly head of dark, curly hair is nowhere to be seen. In some way, Maura hopes she won't have to face her today, but at the same time she knows it's going to hurt even more if she can't say goodbye one last time. She sits at their assigned table, staring forlornly at Jane's empty chair while the room fills up around her.

 

She's so busy sitting and stewing in her own thoughts that when two hands cover her eyes she almost lets out a scream.

 

“Guess who.”

 

She knows it's Jane. She knew it from the moment her fingers touched her skin. She would recognize those hands anywhere.

 

“How can I guess if I can't see?”

 

She can hear the eye roll in Jane's voice as she says, “As if anyone else would do this to you every single morning.”

 

“We don't know, some people can be very unpredictable.”

 

Jane moves her hands away with a huff and sits down in her chair, and pushes her hair out of her face.

 

“Well, it was me, genius.”

 

Like most mornings, Jane looks like she just rolled out of bed, and considering all she knows of Jane, Maura figures that's not far from the truth. Her clothes are slightly rumpled, but her large baggy sweater looks much warmer than all of Maura's layers combined and covers her baby fat tummy. Her hair sticks out at odd angles in some place ad it surrounds her sweet, round angelic face, and her boots are covered with mud, like maybe she walked through miles and miles of snow. Despite her tired appearance, her brown eyes shine with delight as she takes in her quiet friend.

 

“Did I really scare you? You look like your gonna barf,” Jane says.

 

Maura shakes her head minutely and avoids Jane's eyes. She knows that if she keeps looking into them, she will forget her entire rehearsed speech and start crying instead. So, she avoids her gaze, but Jane is having none of that.

 

“Maura, you're not looking at me and your chest is getting red, what's wrong?”

 

Her entire body starts to shake as her heart rate speeds up. She knows she's going to have to say it, but she's afraid she'll throw up instead and the room suddenly seems too unbearably hot for her little body.

 

_Just say it, Maura._

 

“Th-There's… something I… h-have to tell you--”

 

“Alright class, let's get started!”

 

Maura sighs with relief and stares down at her table. Maybe Jane will just forget about it and she will be able to go the rest of the day before having to tell her. She hopes, sends up a small and silent prayer that Jane will forget, but when her olive toned hand covers her own, she knows that God just ignored her request.

 

“Tell me at recess?” Jane asks.

 

Maura just nods, and for the rest of class, she can feel Jane's eyes on her and she can feel that she's concerned and curious about what Maura has to say. Everything Maura does is backed by anxiety, causing her to rush through things and drop her supplies multiple times on the floor or erase too hard on a math problem she messed up. She knows the more anxiety riddled mistakes she makes the longer Jane will remember that Maura had something to say, so she tries to finish her tasks slower. She hates that she's overthinking everything but there is no way to stop it.

 

When the recess bell finally rings, Maura is reluctant to get up from her seat, but Jane jumps up immediately. Hesitantly, she trudges along behind Jane, who is doing a good job of pretending that Maura isn't there. She walks blindly down the hallway in line, only seeing Jane and her wild hair, her best friend in this entire world, and dreading the future that is to come. She wants to reach out, grab onto Jane's solid body and never let go, but she knows that would be unwelcome. Instead she stares down at Jane's gloved hands as they push open the door to the outside world.

 

The wind is harsh and Jane visibly shivers, but Maura can't even feel it. She's in a trance, taking mechanical step after mechanical step down the stairs and onto the lawn, past the dead trees to their favorite spot on the basketball court. She hadn't even noticed the mostly inflated basketball in Jane's arms until she came to a stop. As Maura's shoes crunch against the salt on the blacktop, she wonders why the school makes them go outside in this horrible weather. At least the rain had stopped.

 

Jane dribbles the ball a little bit, takes a shot that goes clean through the hoop then retrieves it, all while Maura watches silently from the side. The way her body moves is as fluid as a dancer, and although Maura knows there is no ballet called “Basketball”, she figures if there were, Jane would be the star. She repeats this process a few times before putting the ball under her arm and facing Maura.

 

“Okay. Tell me. I can't stand the silence,” Jane says, and lines up her shot, mumbling, “And stop looking at me like that.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like you're never going to see me again, or something,” Jane says, and shoots the ball. It goes in perfectly like every shot before. When Maura doesn't reply Jane just looks at her, the ball bouncing it's way down the court, forgotten. She knows by the tears in Maura's eyes that she has hit the nail on the head.

 

“Maura?”

 

She shakes her head and starts sobbing in lew of a response and Jane's eyes go wide with fright.

 

“Jane…” she chokes out.

 

Jane goes to her quickly, wrapping her in her arms so that Maura can cry on her shoulder. Maura had never been good with affection, but with Jane it was different, almost like she craved it. One hug from Jane had made her an addict, her kindness a soothing balm to her heart. She presses her face into Jane's neck and tries to stop herself from crying.

 

“I-I don't understand,” Jane says into her hair.

 

Maura squeezes her eyes shut, forcing out her tears. “They are sending me to boarding school.”

 

Jane shakes her head vehemently. “I won't let them. You can stay with me, Ma loves you, she would let you stay...she would…”

 

“Jane...I have no choice.”

 

Jane pulls away suddenly and Maura feels the cold instantly, like the pain you get when you rip off a bandaid, so sudden and like you've always had it. She wants to cry harder but the look on Jane's face tells her that she pulled away for a reason.

 

“Promise me we will stay friends,” she says, her voice wavering.

 

The look in her eyes is determination and Maura knows she can't refuse her, even though she has learned to not make promises she cannot keep. She wants nothing more in this world than to continue to be Jane's friend, and she would try her hardest to keep it, but she knows that in the end one of them will leave.

 

She nods her head and says, “I promise. Always.”

 

And only then does Jane cry, pulling her back into a bone crushing hug that doesn't end until they are called back into the school.

 

**Chapter 1**

 

There's an unexpected knock on her door.

 

Today had been filled with a lot of unexpected things. Like how she unexpectedly burst into tears after her last autopsy, or how no one threw her a going away party like the team had done for every other coworker. Sure, Maura was a little odd, a little distant, a little too cold and professional with her colleagues, but she never considered that no one actually liked her. That no one would be sad to see her go. At least now she can feel a little less guilty for leaving the team.

 

She finishes her autopsy report and shuffles some papers around before finally addressing the knock.

 

“Come in.”

 

A tall, lanky, barely-a-man boy comes into the room, his face slightly nervous and his hair perfectly styled. His white lab coat is wrinkled along with his powder blue scrubs.

 

“Hello, Josh, is there something you need?”

 

“No, I just wanted to thank you for giving me this opportunity. I've really enjoyed working with you, Dr. Isles,” he says, and smiles sheepishly, “I'm sad to see you go.”

 

She gives him a half smiles as her heart flutters a little. Josh was a pre-med student who wanted to get a leg up on the competition at medical school. He had asked her just a few months ago if he could be an intern, desperate to prove himself somewhere. He was a sweet kid and learned very easily, staying by Maura's side more often than not in an autopsy. She appreciates him, and knowing that at least one person will miss her makes her want to cry all over again.

 

She can’t cry at work though, she's Dr. Isles. Dr. Maura Isles does not cry.

 

“It was wonderful working with you, Josh. If you have any problems when I'm gone, please let me know,” she says.

 

He nods, turns to leave and then seems to change his mind. He turns back around and looks her straight in the eye.

 

“Can I ask you a question?”

 

Maura nods. “Sure.”

 

“Why are you quitting? You love this job, and you're so good at it, I don't understand why you would leave.”

 

As she contemplates her answer she takes a look around her office. The walls are white and bare, everything is packed, but even before her things were gone there was barely anything on the walls. She had never felt fully attached to this space, to this office, or even this town, so detached that she wonders now how she even chose it in the first place. It was so cold, physically and emotionally, that every day felt like winter even when the sun was shining bright. She wanted a change, she wanted to feel the warmth again, and what better time than the Christmas season?

 

“I'm moving. I just...need a change of scenery, you know?”

 

“So, you're transferring to a different branch?”

 

“No, I'm...I'm going to take a break, and then decide if I want to continue this career path.”

 

“That sounds a lot like you're just quitting, which means you didn't answer my question.”

 

She looks at him and he looks at her, his eyes full of concern that she isn't sure is needed on his part. She had never been close to Josh, but considering he seems to be her only friend, she figures she shouldn't lie to him.

 

“I've been unhappy for a while. I'm not sure if it's this job or this city...I need to be somewhere else and do something else for a little while,” she says, “Plus, my fiance got this amazing opportunity--”

 

“Ah,” he interrupts, nodding, “The fiance. I get it now.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Look, Dr. Isles, I just don't want to see you give up your career for a relationship--”

 

“My life choices are none of your business and I find this conversation highly inappropriate.”

 

And then she's back, the cold Dr. Isles, the woman who never talks about anything. As soon as she says it, she wishes she hadn't, but really who was this boy to tell her what she should and shouldn't do with her life. Her life had always been controlled in some way by her parents, but these decisions she had made on her own. If she wanted to leave her job to be a wife and a mom then that is her decisions, parents and colleagues be damned.

 

“The only time you're not trying to please someone else is when you are here, and you take over and I can tell it makes you happy--”

 

“Josh. Please,” she says, sternly.

 

He just nods his head, as if he's giving up and doesn't want to fight her anymore.

 

“Okay, I'll get out of your hair,” he says, turns and walks out of the door. He's disappointed, his lips pressed into a line and turned down, and gives her one last sad, fleeting look as he heads towards the elevator. She wishes she could call him back and apologize, but she knows there would be no point.

 

She just watches him leave, her only friend on this team, before packing up the rest of her office and heading home.

*********

All of her bags are packed along with the rest of her house, making her high heeled steps echo throughout the halls. She can't help but stare out the big picture window towards the houses on the street, each one covered in twinkling Christmas lights that her house is severely lacking. She didn't bother to even try to put up Christmas lights this year, but if she's being completely honest with herself, she never put them up any of the other years before either. The holidays had never really been cheerful for her considering she only spent it with her parents for half a day at one of their many vacation homes.

 

Maura had often thought about the things she lacked, the things that were missing in her life to keep her cheerful and positive like the rest of the world. Things like friends, affection from family members, a normal childhood...she didn't have those things and in a way she felt like she was disadvantaged. There wasn't enough money in the world to get rid of loneliness, and that's what she had been, lonely and sad.

 

The reflection of the lights glitter in the icy snow on the ground, a silence falling over the sleeping neighborhood. Each house has a blinking christmas tree in their identical picture windows, and Maura knows that her house is the only dark one on the picturesque street.

 

She jumps a little as she feels strong, solid arms wrap around her waist, almost forgetting that she wasn't alone in the house. She feels him kiss her neck and relaxes back into his chest. She's not alone, but the loneliness doesn't seem to dissipate.

 

“You okay?” Jack asks against her ear.

 

Maura sighs. “Yeah.”

 

“Why don't you come to bed?”

 

“It's not a bed, it's an air mattress. I'll probably have a better night's sleep standing right here.”

 

“Ooo, you're grumpy. What were you thinking about?”

 

“I am not grumpy,” she protests.

 

He stays quiet and she can tell that he is expecting her to answer without him having to ask again. She sighs again.

 

“The intern said something weird to me today.”

 

He hums. “What?”

 

She scoffs. “He thinks I'm throwing my career away to be with you...am I?”

 

“Do you think you are?”

 

She pauses. Does she think she's throwing away her career? Josh wasn't wrong, she is good at her job and it does make her happy. Her career choice was her own, despite her parents wanting more from her, and she felt in total control whenever she was examining a body. She knows she will miss it, miss finding out the truth behind a death and examining organs and DNA, but how can she be a good wife if all she does is work? How can she be a mother if she is around dead bodies all the time?

 

“I...I don't know.”

 

“You said you wanted a change. Maybe a change in career is what you need.”

 

Maura tilts her head to the side in contemplation, pressing their temples together softly.

 

“Maybe…” she whispers.

 

“Look, take a well deserved break for the holidays, we will get married, spend some extra time with Ally, then after Christmas, you can decide whether you want to go back to pathology again,” he reasons.

 

Maura nods minutely. “I guess you're right.”

 

“Let's go to bed, okay? We have an early start tomorrow, and you're already stressed enough as it is.”

 

He kisses her briefly before taking her by the hand and leading her back towards their bedroom. She can't help the sense of excitement and dread that starts from the back of her mind. She's not sure if quitting her job was the best idea, and she's not sure about moving to Boston or any of the decisions she's made recently.

 

What she does know is that something in her life is off and something has to change, even if staying complacent is the easiest and safest option.


	2. Chapter 2

When Jack said they were downgrading, Maura never expected to live in a place so nice. To the outside eye, her apartment building looked like a townhouse, beautiful front window and grand front steps. If you didn't step inside, no one would know that the building housed one bedroom apartments. 

 

They had decided not to hire movers, instead renting their own truck and carrying all of their furniture in together and deciding where each piece needed to go. The apartment was surprisingly spacious, while the photos on the website had made it look cramped and uncomfortable, and Maura wondered how those could be photos of this very same apartment. 

 

The drive to Boston was ridiculously early, as if Jack had started off the morning trying to get to the sun before it could rise too high in the sky. Maura slept, of course, although not very deeply. With Jack speeding and Maura declining multiple bathroom stops, they had made it to Boston with an hour of sunlight left to move in their furniture. 

 

They had just finished putting the bed together when Jack clapped his hands against his back and stretched, each vertebrae cracking under the pressure. 

 

“Alright, I'm gonna change and head out,” he sighs.

 

Maura squints. “Head out?”

 

“Yeah, they are having the faculty Christmas Party for the BCU staff. I figured I would go and meet my colleagues before I actually start working.”

 

She watches as he gathers his nice clothes from his suitcase and, not for the first time, feels left out. Ever since they had gotten together, there had been multiple faculty parties and get togethers that she had not been able to attend because of work. Now, she had no place to be and he didn't even try to invite her to go with him. 

 

“You're going by yourself?” She asks, softly. 

 

She knows he can see the disappointment on her face because suddenly he looks guilty. She knows in her heart that he never even considered bringing her along. Never considered that maybe she would like to make friends with his colleagues or their wives and have nice dinners together at their small apartment. 

 

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It slipped my mind, but you didn't sleep very well last night, and I figured you would be tired, but if you want--”

 

“No,” she says, with a small smile, “I understand...and I am tired.”

 

She didn't really understand, and she  _ was _ tired, but not tired enough to miss out on something that was clearly important to him. Who was she to get angry about something she would normally say no to? 

 

As soon as she spoke, she could see the relief in his eyes, but whether it was from her not being upset or realizing he didn't have to deal with her for the rest of the night, she wasn't sure. It's just another moment, of many, that makes her question why he wants to marry her anyway. He dresses quickly as she leans against the kitchen counter, nursing a tea and regretting her life choices, before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead and leaving. His lips leave a warm and wet mark on her skin, and it's the only sign that he was ever there at all. 

 

As she watches him leave, the giant moving truck on the road demands her attention. She can't help but think how big of an eye sore it is in comparison to the pure snow and the christmas lights that line the street. She gets a weird sense of deja vu, this street is so similar to the one she had criticized the night before, but everything seems more colorful. There are plastic Santas and snowmen perched on roofs and balconies, each townhouse displaying the personality of the occupant inside. She can't stand to see the truck on the road, a giant sign that says, “Hey, I don't belong here.” It's the only Christmas display she will probably ever use. 

 

Though she knows there is little she can complete on her own and in the dark, the dingy yellow moving truck brings up an irrational irritation. She's not sure if she's mad at the truck, her life, or Jack, but she does know that the sooner it is unpacked and gone, the better she will feel. With the determination of a runner, she rinses her mug and suits up for the cold. 

 

She's not sure how long it takes to lug every box into the apartment, but each step into the cold air gets more difficult by the second. She places each box where they are meant to go, bedroom, living room, bathroom, kitchen, until all that's left in the truck are the big pieces of furniture she knows she's cannot lift herself.  _ It's not like I have other plans besides moving this stuff _ , she thinks to herself,  _ it's a simple task.  _

 

For Maura, simple tasks mean that failure is not an option. 

 

So, she starts with the dressers, taking out each drawer and carrying two at a time into the house before jogging back out to the truck again. Back and forth, back and forth, so many times she's starting to feel dizzy, but not enough to deter her from her mission. As the final piece to both dressers are left, she finally realizes her mistake. 

 

“Okay, how can I get this into the house without scraping the wood?”

 

She observes the truck and the walkway up to her apartment. It's not that long of a path, and there are only three front steps. All she has to do is get the dresser up the walkway. Simple enough. She pushes the dresser near the edge of the truck and at the top of the ramp. She assesses her options before finally putting the dresser on it's side and gently pushing it down the ramp. The metal grates against the wood and for a second she wonders if she ruined it before thinking that it probably wouldn't matter. Men don't usually notice or care about that sort of thing, so if Jack didn't care, then Maura wouldn't either. 

 

At the bottom of the ramp she hits another snag, the curb, but of course nothing is difficult for a woman who is determined to complete her task. She lifts one side of the dresser so two feet are on the curb, tilting it at an angle before lifting the rest up on to the sidewalk. Just as she's about to flip the dresser back onto its side, an exuberant voice speaks near her left. 

 

“Are you Mrs. Claus?”

 

She turns suddenly, almost dropping the dresser. She had been so busy that she hadn't noticed a car pull up and park in front of her truck. The little girl has dark curly hair and is only wearing a sweatshirt, despite the cold. She is kind of tall and her face is round and her face seems familiar somehow, although Maura can't figure out why. She is looking at her expectantly, as if she is waiting to hear good news.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“I said, are you Mrs. Claus?” She repeats. 

 

“Um...why would I be--”

 

“Regina, even if she were Mrs. Claus, she probably couldn't tell you that.”

 

“But… she looks just like her.”

 

“Bug, how many times do I gotta tell you that movies aren't always accurate when it comes to looks?”

 

From behind the car, carrying two arm fulls of groceries, steps a tall and lean body to accompany the deep voice. Her hair is just as dark and curly as the girl's, flowing like a mane around her beautifully angular face. Unlike her daughter she is dressed for the warmth, her jacket big and fluffy, and it reminds Maura how poorly she prepared for the weather tonight. 

 

“Sorry, she's a blabbermouth,” the woman says. 

 

“Hey!”

 

“She's obsessed with the Santa Clause movies and is determined to be adopted into the family.”

 

Maura is so speechless by the situation that it takes her a full two minutes to respond. The woman stares at her like maybe she's afraid Maura will pass out. 

 

“I...what?”

 

“You know, the Santa Clause movies? With Tim Allen?”

 

Maura's mouth gapes open slightly like a fish before looking at her dresser and then looking back at the woman. 

 

“Oh, I'm sorry, were you busy? Do you need some help? Let me help you.”

 

She starts to move towards her and suddenly Maura snaps into action. 

 

“Oh, no, that's okay. I've got it.”

 

The woman squints her eyes. “Really?”

 

“Yes, thank you for the offer.”

 

“Mmmmm, no I'm not taking that as an answer. Let me get these groceries to my apartment, and then Regina and I will help you. Okay?”

 

“O-- okay.”

 

She watches her push Regina up the front steps, the girl looking over her shoulder to make sure Maura is still there. The image of her face leaves her puzzled, like her brain is itchy and she can't quite scratch it. Why does she look so familiar? Her mother was absolutely gorgeous, and must be around her same age. Maura knows she would remember her if she had met her before. The cold starts to seep through her jacket now that she has stopped moving, sending an involuntary shiver down her back. She shakes her head and goes back to what she was doing, slowly flipping the dresser into its own square cartwheel.

 

“Yo, what are you doing?” The woman says, running down the front steps. 

 

“I'm moving my dresser.”

 

“Not like that you're not. Come on, we can lift it.”

 

Maura watches as she leans over, her hair falling in her face. She had removed her jacket and was now only wearing a t shirt, her muscular arms on display for the world to see, and, boy, was Maura impressed. 

 

“Count of three. You with me?”

 

Maura just nods. 

 

“One, two, three.”

 

And Maura does lift, but it feels like the other woman is doing all the work, she's practically being dragged up the steps and into her apartment. 

 

“I assume this one is yours,” she chuckles, “where do you want to this?”

 

“Bedroom,” Maura pants. 

 

They move efficiently, heading straight for the bedroom and putting it down against one of the walls. Jane sighs and dusts her hands off on her pants. 

 

“Okay, how many more of these do we have?” She asks. 

 

“Another dresser, a couch, and an armchair,” Maura lists out monotonously.

 

As they are bringing in the other dresser, she speaks again. 

 

“You just moved here? What's your name?”

 

“Um,” Maura sighs to catch her breath, “Dr. Isles. Well, just Maura, I guess.”

 

“Dr. Isles? That is some title.”

 

“I'm not really a doctor anymore, so Maura will do.”

 

“Why aren't you a doctor anymore?”

 

Maura shrugs but she knows the woman can't see it. “Just needed a change, I think.”

 

“You didn't like it?”

 

“No, I loved it! I'm just...I don't know, I need something more in my life.”

 

“So you quit your job?”

 

“It's more like a break. Maybe I'll decide to work again in January. Start fresh.”

 

“Wow, that must be nice.”

 

They had made it to the bedroom and were close to placing the dresser against the wall when the woman spoke again. 

 

“I'm Jane Rizzoli, by the way, you can call me by my full title, Madame Detective Rizzoli.”

 

“Rizzoli?”

 

Without warning, Maura drops her end of the dresser, barely hearing the gasp of surprise from Jane. Her arms are a little numb, her knees slightly shaky, and she can't tell if it's shock or weakness from carrying the dresser. This can't possibly be Jane Rizzoli standing in front of her, staring at her with nervous and worried eyes. 

 

“Yeah? What's wrong?”

 

She looks her over from head to toe. The hair is the same, the outfit choice is the same, but she has lost weight and has grown at least two feet since the last time she saw her. Without a doubt, Maura knows it's true, and suddenly the familiarity of Regina's face makes sense.

 

“Jane Rizzoli?”

 

“Y...yes?”

 

“Do you remember in elementary school, you had a friend…”

 

Recognition dawns on Jane's face. “Wait, you're  _ that _ Maura?”

 

“Yes!” Maura exclaims, a little too loudly. She had hoped that Jane would recognize her, but she never expected her to realize so quickly. She wants to laugh and she wants to cry because she never really considered herself to be a memorable person, especially to someone she knew in grade school.

 

“Shit, I never remembered your last name was Isles. You're a fucking doctor now???”

 

Maura nods, unexpected tears coming to her eyes. Jane's big brown eyes are exactly the same, beautiful and shining with happiness. “You’ve lost weight.”

 

They widen as she responds sarcastically, just like old times. “Really, that's all you can say?”

 

Without much thought, Maura wraps her arms around Jane, who laughs a little against her shoulder, and squeezes her tightly. The feel of Jane's body against her own is so familiar, it feels like hardly any time has passed since that last cold day on the blacktop.

 

“I could never forget a name like Rizzoli.”

 

“I never thought I would see you again,” Jane sighs. 

 

“Me neither.”

 

Jane pulls away grinning from ear to ear. Maura really missed her face, the beautiful face of the only true friend she ever had, even if it is a couple pounds smaller. Her eyes and her smile are still the same and she can't believe it so she has to keep repeating it to herself in her head. She's really here, and better yet, she isn't yelling at me for leaving her behind. 

 

“Well, now you have to come watch the Santa Clause movies with us,” Jane laughs.

 

“What are those?”

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“I have no idea what you're talking about, and why does your daughter think I'm Mrs. Claus?”

 

Jane rolls her eyes. “She thinks you're Mrs. Claus because you kinda look like Elizabeth Mitchell.”

 

“Who is that?”

 

“Okay, you know what? Let's move the rest of your stuff, I'll show you my apartment, and we can watch the movies. Deal?”

 

Maura grins. In all her years she never would have expected her night to turn out like this, hanging out with her long time estranged best friend while her fiance parties into the night. Had someone told her this a few years ago she never would have believed it. Just 20 minutes with Jane and Maura had finally realized what she had been missing for so long. True friendship.

 

“Yes, I would love that.”

*********

Compared to her own apartment, Jane's space is the coziest apartment she has ever seen, complete with a roaring fire and multiple blankets. She sits primly on the edge of the sofa as Jane and Regina argue over which Santa Clause movie to watch. 

 

“I wanna watch the second one.”

 

“You just watched the second one, why can't we start from the beginning?”

 

“Because I wanna watch the second one, Ma.”

 

“Jane, it's okay,” Maura interrupts, gently, “You can put in whatever she wants.”

 

“Is there any way I can change your mind?” Jane asks Regina.

 

“Nope.”

 

Jane sighs and puts the movie into the player, shaking her head, before turning to Maura with a sheepish smile. Regina, the happiest girl in the world, skips over to the sofa and sits as close to Maura as she possibly can. 

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Tis the season.”

 

With a pointed look at Regina, Jane says, “I wouldn't be as adamant about watching them in order if someone didn't watch the second one all year round!”

 

“What?” Regina says, shrugging a little and turning to Maura, “I like the second one. The second one is the best.”

 

Maura laughs a little as Jane rolls her eyes over Regina's head. “Okay.”

 

“You wanna explain the first movie to her, bug?”

 

Regina nods so emphatically that Maura is afraid her head is going to fly across the room.

 

“So, Scott Calvin becomes Santa one Christmas when the old santa falls off his roof and he puts his coat on. He gets in trouble because he keeps changing into Santa Claus and everyone thinks he's faking until he kidnaps his son and brings him back as Santa on Christmas Eve.”

 

Maura's eyes go wide as she looks over at Jane. “I thought this was a kids movie?”

 

“It is, but Ma is a police officer and she told me that not all Santa's are real and that I should  _ not _ go with him if he says he's going to take me to the north Pole because the real Santa wouldn't want to pick favorites and only take me to the north Pole.”

 

“She's probably right.”

 

“My Ma is always right,” Regina grins. 

 

“That's right,” Jane smirks, and presses play on the remote control. 

 

“You're a police officer?” Maura asks and Regina shifts to get more comfortable on the couch. 

 

“She's a hom-cide detective.”

 

“Hom- _ i _ -cide, bug.”

 

“Right, homicide.”

 

“I've been with BPD for a while now,” Jane says, nonchalant. 

 

“That's amazing,” Maura says.

 

“Ssshhh, the movie is starting.”

 

“Don't worry,” Jane stage whispers over Regina's head and the music on the TV, “She'll be asleep in 10 minutes and we can talk all we want.”

 

“No I won't!”

 

Despite her protests, Jane turns out to be correct as 15 minutes later Regina is asleep with her head against Maura's shoulder. She doesn't mind, in fact she finds it adorable, but Jane insists they will be able to talk better if Regina is in the other room. The weight of her against her body is comfortable and familiar, and Maura wishes Jane would just let her stay there. She insists it's not inconvenient for her but Jane slips her arms under Regina's tiny body anyway. Maura can't help but admire her toned arms as they flex under Regina's weight, and watches silently from the doorway as Jane tucks her daughter into bed. She wonders what she would be like as a mother, wonders if she would do as good of a job raising a kid as Jane has done on her own. How can this possibly be the same person? Yet, she knows it is because Jane is still the sweetest, most caring and protective person that she was when they were best friends so long ago. 

 

“She is wonderful, Jane.”

 

Jane smirks as they sit back down on the couch. “Yeah, she's a good kid. When she wants to be.”

 

“I'm sure she is just like you were when you were that age. She certainly looks like you did.”

 

“Except she's skinnier,” Jane throws her a sly grin.

 

“Honestly, Jane, you weren't that fat.”

 

“Tell that to the boys that called me Roly-Poly-Rizzoli after you left,” she laughs. 

 

Maura falls silent as she looks Jane over for the hundredth time that night. She's so skinny, so angular, and yet her hips are curvy and feminine. She's just the right balance of skinny, not unhealthy, and her musculature is excellent, like “I work out at least 3 times a week” excellent. She can't help but feel like she missed out, however. She missed out on protecting Jane when she was being taunted, missed out on watching Jane make her transformation, and worst of all she missed out on Jane having Regina. 

 

“I'm sorry I left,” Maura says softly. 

 

Jane gives her a sympathetic smile. “It's not your fault, but I did miss you.”

 

“I missed you, too. More than you'll ever know.”

 

“Pfft, I’m sure you immediately found a new best friend at that fancy boarding school,” Jane jokes.

 

“Actually, I didn't. I never really had another best friend after you.”

 

Jane's eyebrows knit together and she squints to see if Maura is joking or not. “Really?”

 

Maura nods. “I don't really have any friends.”

 

“I find that very hard to believe. Surely you've met some people through work.”

 

Maura laughs. “Oh no, not my line of work.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“I'm a pathologist.”

 

Jane seems to stiffen, almost choking on her drink before her eyes widen in surprise. “No way.”

 

“I know it's odd--”

 

“No, that's perfect! We just got a new opening for an M.E. position for the Commonwealth.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, you should apply for it! If I remember correctly, you were a much better student than me, so I'm sure they'll hire you on the spot.”

 

“That sounds wonderful, I-- oh. Shoot. I promised Jack I would take a break.”

 

Jane takes a sip of her beer as she says, “Who's Jack?”

 

“My fiance.”

 

Jane's eyes widen as she swallows. “You have a fiance?”

 

“A few months now, yes.”

 

“Wow, you are just full of surprises.”

 

“What about you? Regina must have a father.”

 

“She does. He's just not in the picture,” she leans forward and puts her beer on the table, “So, why does your fiance not want you to work?”

 

Maura shrugs. “We just agreed before we came here that I was going to take a break.”

 

“Do you want to? You said earlier that you loved it, you can't let this opportunity pass you by.”

 

Maura hums, unsure of her decision.

 

“Come to work with me tomorrow. I'll show you around, introduce you to some of the people you'll be working with. Oh! You can come with me to the Christmas party, too!”

 

The excitement in Jane's eyes reminds her so much of the young girl she used to be. It's like their weekly sleepover day all over again, Jane getting high off sugar at school before dragging Maura to her house for the weekend. This feels like just another Friday night of her childhood. She can't resist that smile, the way her bottom lip pouts a little, but just enough to convince her to do anything. 

 

She bites her bottom lip to try and hold back her smile.

 

“Sure. Okay,” she says.

 

“Sweet! I will be knocking on your door at 7 am, so be ready,” Jane says, rubbing her hands together. 

 

Just as she's about to ask Jane more questions about her life, she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She pulls it out and taps on the screen, noticing 12 missed call notifications before answering the incoming call from Jack. 

 

“Hi, darling.”

 

“Maura, where are you? I've been calling you,” he says angrily.

 

“Im sorry, I didn't hear my phone. I'm upstairs.”

 

“What are you doing upstairs?”

 

“I met one of our neighbors! Actually, it's J--”

 

“We need to start unpacking this stuff, it's everywhere.”

 

The tone of his voice makes her feel guilty, and her stomach drops a little with anxiety. 

 

“I'm sorry, I just figured you went out, so we could do--”

 

“Maura, we can't live with boxes everywhere. Please come back down and help me unpack.”

 

“Okay, I'll be down in a few minutes.”

 

“See you in ten. Love you.”

 

“Love you, too,” she mumbles before he hangs up the phone.

 

Jane is avoiding her eyes and picking at the skin on her fingers. Maura knows she heard everything, and she's not sure what exactly has gotten into Jack, but he doesn't normally act this way. 

 

“He sounds...great,” Jane says. 

 

“He's not normally like that, I'm not sure what's wrong with him.”

 

“Mmhm.”

 

“Trust me, once you meet him, you'll like him.”

 

Jane doesn't really respond, just nods her head and takes a swig of her beer before starting to peel off the label. She seems to be staring at an interesting spot on the coffee table, but Maura isn't sure what exactly she might be thinking. 

 

“Can I walk you to your apartment?” Jane asks suddenly. 

 

Maura smiles. “Sure.”

 

She wonders if Jane is afraid for her safety, after all it's only two flights of stairs, but the way Jack had spoken on the phone did seems a little hostile. They walk in silence slowly down the stairs, Jane behind Maura so she can't see her face when she speaks again. 

 

“Regina's father is dead.”

 

The sentence is so blunt, so abrupt that for a second Maura isn't sure what to do. She stops on the landing and reaches out to Jane, touching her arm gently in comfort. She doesn't know if this is the correct way to respond, but when Jane doesn't pull away, she doesn't either. 

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“It's okay. We weren't married, or even in love. He was in the army. I knew him in high school and we hooked up, and then he got shipped out again and got killed in the line of duty,” she shrugs. 

 

“Still, must be hard for you and Regina.”

 

“We do pretty well on our own.”

 

Maura turns and walks down the stairs and only when she hears Jane fall in line behind her does she continue the conversation. 

 

“Does she ask about him?”

 

“Sure. She knows all that I knew about him, and she appreciates him. Luckily she hasn't like, gone berserk on me like the kids in the movies.”

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“You know, kids get mad because they are missing a family member and start screaming that they hate you and start getting into drugs.”

 

“She's, what? 10? Why would she do that?”

 

“8. And yeah, I guess you're right.”

 

They finally reach the bottom floor and stand awkwardly for a minute outside Maura's door. She reaches into her pocket for her keys, feeling Jane's eyes on her as she does so. She's not sure what this feeling is, but thinking about going into her apartment and leaving Jane behind makes her feel wrong inside. 

 

“Thank you for tonight. For helping me,” Maura says shyly trying to hold the conversation longer. 

 

“No problem,” Jane smiles, “thanks for watching the movie with us.”

 

“You know, I can kind of see what Regina is talking about now.”

 

“Right?”

 

“She and I have very similar facial structures.”

 

“Yeah, and your lips are--”

 

The door flies open so fast that Maura's hair is lifted slightly from her head. On the other side is Jack, looking slightly angry and rumpled, his tie half undone. When he sees Jane, for a second he looks like he might attack her before his features suddenly flip to surprise. 

 

“Hi, honey,” Maura says, “This is Jane, she lives on the third floor. Jane, this is my fiance Jack.”

 

He sticks out his hand towards Jane, who takes it slowly before shaking it.

 

“Hi, Jane, nice to meet you,” he says happily. 

 

“You too,” she lets his hand go and looks to Maura again. She has a weird look in her eye that Maura cannot place. “I have to go check on my little monster before she sneaks into my bed again.”

 

“Okay, tell her I said good night. I'll see you tomorrow?”

 

“7 am,” Jane says, pointing at her as she ascends the stairs. The look is gone so fast Maura wondered if she imagined it. 

 

“I'll be ready,” Maura grins.

 

Jane waves one last time before moving out of sight on the second floor landing. 

 

“What about tomorrow?” Jack asks.

 

She turns to him and the anger that she saw before is replaced with curiosity, one eyebrow cocked in her direction. 

 

“Jane is taking me to work with her tomorrow. She said there is an medical examiner's position open,” she shares excitedly. 

 

“I thought you were taking a break?”

 

She walks into the apartment past him and into their bedroom, stripping off her shirt and folding it on top of her empty dresser. She hears him fall in line behind her, his footsteps heavy with exhaustion they both must feel. 

 

“I am. I just want to see the place before I make a decision. And if I decide to go back, I'll go back in January.”

 

She unzips her pants as he comes up behind her, placing his hands on her bare hips, sending shivers down her body. 

 

“Are you sure that's what you want? I thought you wanted to start a family and all that?”

 

“I do, but it doesn't have to be right now. Right?”

 

She feels him nod and kiss her neck before wrapping his arms around her body. It feels like he hasn't touched her in months, her skin overly sensitive to his touch, as if she had been waiting for it all day. She lets him lead her to their barely made bed and lay her down against the sheets. She wonders why he was so angry before, on the phone and when he opened the door, but when he pulls down her underwear it doesn't seem to matter anymore. 

 

Suddenly everything seems perfect, and all those months of sadness and bitterness start to drift away. Maybe a friend was what she needed all along. Maybe Jane was the only thing missing in her life. Maybe this move was actually the best decision for her to make, even if she questioned it yesterday. Everything seems much better than it did yesterday. 

 

And now that she has found that missing piece, she is ready to take on the world again. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...i said I was gonna finish this by Christmas and I knew that was too soon of a goal lol, but I am like really into this story so I'm writing more than I have in the last couple months. I hope you all are enjoying it, thank you for reading!

When Maura opens the door the next morning at exactly 7 a.m., there is a look of surprise on Jane's face. She's dressed in a pantsuit that isn't really tailored to fit her the way it should and a V neck t-shirt, but somehow the outfit is perfect for her. Maura can't help but stare for a few seconds.

 

“You're actually ready to go?” Jane asks incredulously.

 

“You said 7 am!”

 

“I figured that was when you were gonna wake up, I was totally prepared to sit in your apartment and harass you until 7:30.”

 

“Jane, I am a professional, I know how to be on time,” Maura says with a smirk. 

 

“Well, at least we have time for coffee. Hold on, let me call Regina and tell her to get her butt down here.”

 

She pulls out her phone and types something fast before locking it again and looking to Maura. The way her eyes move up and down Maura's body creates a shiver and a flutter in her stomach. It's like Jane is drinking her in and admiring her and Maura isn't all that upset about it. 

 

“You look beautiful, that's a really nice dress.”

 

Her words cause Maura's heart to race with joy, but as her body reacts she starts to scold herself. She knows it shouldn't be acting this way, and she wonders why it’s doing that, and why does she suddenly want to slide her hands up under her shirt?

 

“Th-thank you. Your suit is very stylish, albeit slightly ill-fitting.”

 

Jane squints. “I can't tell if that was a compliment.”

 

“No! It's looks good, I just think you would benefit from a slightly more form fitting version. I mean you're body is nice, you look good in a suit, but, uh…” Maura rambles, trying to save herself, before finally stopping when Jane gives her a small smile.

 

“I was kidding, Maura.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Up the stairs, a clatter resounds, like a herd of elephants making their way across a plain. The stamping gets closer and closer before, finally, Maura spots two little feet, long legs and a wild man of dark hair. Regina is looking down at her feet as she descends the stairs, as if they will fly out from under her at any minute. When she's three steps away from the floor she looks up, and Maura is greeted with the brightest smile that sends her heart fluttering again. 

 

“Good morning, Dr. Claus,” she winks, in loo of a normal greeting, “Are you coming with us?”

 

“Regina,” Jane sighs quietly to herself.

 

Maura turns to Jane. “Dr. Claus?”

 

“She has decided to call you Dr. Claus because you're a doctor. She thinks it's more respectful.”

 

Chuckling, Maura says, “You can just call me Maura, and yes. I'm going to work with your mother today.”

 

“Me too!” Regina jumps up and down for a few seconds as the three of them fall in line and head out the door. “Normally, I have to go to school, but on the weekends I get to go to work with Ma and be a police officer.”

 

“Junior detective, the most important position in all of BPD,” Jane contributes. 

 

“Yeah! I get to sit with Uncle Korsak and help him go through paperwork and make sure he doesn't fall asleep, and sometimes I get to go in the police cars with Uncle Frankie!”

 

“Wow, that's wonderful!”

 

As Jane loads Regina into the back seat, the little girl continues to talk about all the fun things she gets to do. She's so busy talking Maura's ear off that she almost doesn't notice the fact that Jane has opened her car door for her, and Jane has to push Regina a little to get her to move.

 

“And Uncle Frost let's me get whatever I want out of the vending machine, and Nona makes me bunny pancakes with lots of syrup.”

 

Her speech is cut off by Jane closing the door, and Maura has to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing. The little girl is so full of energy at 7 am, while her mother just looks like she wants to walk into a wall repeatedly, and she can't seem to understand where she could have possibly got it from. She watches as Jane then opens her own door, thanking her shyly before slipping into the passenger seat. 

 

“Maura, you and I can hang out all day and go to the evidence locker together!”

 

“Mmm, sorry, Bug, but Maura has some important business to attend to.”

 

“Oh,” she says, sounding disappointed, “like what?”

 

“Well, I have to do a tour, and fill out some paperwork, maybe do an interview--”

 

“I can give you the tour! I know the place like the back of my hand--”

 

“Hey, how is that mole on the back of your hand?” Jane grins.

 

“What mole?” Regina says, and Maura can clearly see she is studying her hand intently. 

 

“Maybe after Maura is done, you can give her your tour of the building. Okay?”

 

“Really? Can I, Maura?”

 

Maura chuckles. “Of course you can.”

 

“Yay! Mama, are we gonna stop in the cafe first?”

 

“Of course,” she turns to Maura briefly before turning her eyes back to the road, “My mother runs the police cafe. She's gonna be so happy to see you.”

 

“Me?” Maura asks, “Why?”

 

“She loved you when we were kids. She was just as upset about you leaving as I was. I just have to warn you, she can be nosy and give way too many unwanted hugs.”

 

“Oh, that's fine.”

 

“Just, don't let her convince you to talk to her about something if you don't wanna talk about it, alright? I'm trying to teach her boundaries, but the lessons don't seem to stick all the time.”

 

“Jane,” Maura laughs, “It'll be fine.”

*********

Regina runs up the front steps, occasionally looking back and telling Maura and Jane to hurry up. She's at least 10 tiny steps a head of both of them at all times, and Jane just watches with a tired but amused expression on her face as if she's used to this. She runs into the cafe ahead of them, calling for her grandmother as Jane and Maura stroll in behind her.

 

“Nona!”

 

“Regina!” A voice from the back room responds. 

 

“We brought a friend!”

 

“God, another school tour, Jane? You gotta stop doing those,” her voice gets clearer as she walks into the cafe.

 

She looks almost exactly the same as the last time Maura saw her, warm and open, the smile on her face as sweet as her homemade cookies. Memories start to come back to her, of Angela stroking her hair, Angela picking her up from school most days, feeding her dinner and tucking her in on those weekend nights. 

 

“Ma, do you remember--?”

 

“Maura? Of course I remember Maura!” She exclaims, and suddenly she's around the counter and pulling Maura into her arms. “How could I forget? You have grown so much, you're so beautiful! How have you been?”

 

Maura finds herself squeezing back hard, her arms just as warm and welcoming as Jane's were yesterday, and as they were so many years ago. She can almost picture their house just by Angela's scent, and it's not until now that she realizes how much that house really became her home. 

 

“I've been good, how about you?”

 

Angela chuckles and releases her before Jane can intervene. “I've been great! Did you just move back?”

 

“Yes, I just moved here from Chicago.”

 

“Chicago? Yeesh, that's far away, why there?”

 

She's about to answer when she sees Regina tug gently on Angela's shirt and makes little noses to get her attention.

 

“Pssst, Nona, she's not from Chicago, she's from the North Pole.”

 

“What?” Angela asks, genuinely confused.

 

“She's Mrs. Claus! Well, actually, she's a doctor, so we have to call her Dr. Claus, but don't you see? She looks just like her!” Regina whispers. 

 

“Regina,” Jane sighs quietly to herself, and Maura almost laughs out loud. 

 

“Oh, is that why we haven't seen her in so many years?” 

 

Regina nods emphatically while Angela pats her hand.

 

“Well, then I guess you better be extra good so she doesn't report back to Santa and tell him to put you on the naughty list.”

 

Regina turns to Maura, eyes wide with shock. “You wouldn't do that to me, right, Maura?”

 

Jane snorts behind her as Maura shakes her head. If this is how most days here at BPD were going to start, then there was no way she wasn't going to apply and fight for this job. In just 10 short hours, Maura had found her family again, and she was never going to let it go.

*********

The job was perfect, there was no denying that, and Jane had down played how important the position was. Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. That's the entire state. She would be in charge of all the medical examiners  _ in the state.  _ It was too perfect to be true. It was too perfect to not take the opportunity. 

 

Halfway through the tour Jane had gotten a call, excusing herself so she could work while Maura finished her tour and the paperwork. She had figured it would be fine to separate from Jane, considering Jack was supposed to pick her up when she was finished, but she figured she had some extra time to kill. Somehow, by some miracle, she found her way to the homicide bullpen where Jane was looking at something while Regina breathed down her neck. 

 

“Hello, ladies,” Maura said, walking up behind them.

 

“Maura!” 

 

“Hey, what are you doing here? Done already?”

 

Maura nodded. “Yes, I called the mayor and I've set up an appointment for later this week.”

 

“That's awesome, I'm so glad you're doing this.”

 

“Doing what?”

 

An older man sitting at the desk across from Jane was listening into their conversation. He seemed intrigued that Maura was here, and more intrigued that she was talking to Jane, but she wasn't sure why.

 

“Korsak, this is Dr. Maura Isles. She has applied to be the new Chief M.E. Maura, this is Vince Korsak.”

 

She walks over to him as he stands, shaking his hand. He has very kind eyes that remind her of a grandfather figure in a movie. 

 

“Wow, I really hope they hire you, we need some better M.E.s around here.”

 

“I hope so, too, it's honestly the job of a lifetime, which Jane neglected to tell me.”

 

“Well, I made you come, didn't I?”

 

“Who made who come?” A new voice asks.

 

A muscular black man with light brown eyes comes into the room. He is undeniably attractive, and if Maura wasn't already engaged she would have probably tried to ask him out. 

 

“Oh, Frost! This is Dr. Maura Isles, hopefully our new Chief M.E.”

 

“Get out, no way,” he walks over to Maura and shakes her hand, “Barry Frost. I'm Jane's partner.”

 

“Very nice to meet you all. I really hope I get this job, you all seem like such nice people to work with.”

 

“We try,” Frost smirks. 

 

“Maura, can I give you my tour now?” Regina whines.

 

“Oh! I almost forgot! Let me just call…”

 

As she pulls out her phone and sees the text message notification, she knows what it will say. She doesn't even have to open it all the way, because the beginning starts with “Babe, I'm sorry, but…”

 

This isn't the first time he's done this and she's not sure it'll be the last. He's cancelled dates, sleepovers, previously arranged plans, all by using work as an excuse, and today is no different. All she wanted was a ride home. She can't help but wonder why he's even bothering to marry her if he can't even give her a simple ride home. In Chicago, when she couldn't make a single friend out of her colleagues, Jack was her one saving grace, making her feel like a human instead of the robot she portrayed at work. Her stomach suddenly feels horrible, a sense of dread coming over her as she imagines what her life would be like without him. 

 

“Actually, you know what? I'm all set. Lead the way!”

 

She can see Jane is looking at her, concern in her eyes. Clearly she has seen Maura's mood shift, and she knows it's only a matter of time before Jane interrogates her. Luckily, Regina is amped up and ready to go, grabbing Maura by the hand and leading her towards the elevator to begin her tour. Jane follows behind them silently, and Maura can feel her eyes on the back of her head like an overly concerned laser pointer. 

 

_ At least I have Jane again _ , she thinks to herself, and somehow the prospect of losing Jack seems a little less daunting. When Regina takes her by the hand and shows her to “The Worst Coffee Maker in the World”, their laughter drowns out the horrible thoughts in her head.

 

The end of the tour stops at the front door of the precinct, after a thorough search of the cafe yields no results in the cookie department. Regina looks like she's about to fall asleep standing up, surprising since it's only 11 a.m., but has just enough energy to finish out her grand tour. 

 

“Can we go home now, Ma?”

 

“Sorry, bug, I have more work to do. But we can wait here with Dr. Isles until her fiance gets here.”

 

“Oh, Jane, that's not ne--”

 

Regina's eyes go wide. “You and Santa aren't married yet?”

 

“Regina, she's not Mrs. Claus, and you'll see that when her fiance gets here,” Jane sighs. 

 

She can feel her cheeks start to heat up as humiliation settles into her throat. She didn't think Jane would make this big of a deal seeing her off and now she has to tell her that Jack isn't even coming and she's just going to get a cab home. 

 

“Actually, he's not coming,” she says, sheepishly.

 

Jane looks confused and a little angry. “What?”

 

“See, Ma? It is Santa, and he doesn't want to come where there are a lot of people so he can keep the S.O.S.!”

 

Jane ignores her daughter and looks at Maura questioningly. She knows the slight anger in her eyes is not directed at her but at Jack, who decided he wasn't going to show up for his fiance, which seems to be strike two against Jack in her eyes. 

 

“What do you mean he's not coming, Maura?”

 

“He said he had a meeting and couldn't come get me. It was a last minute thing.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“You don't have to wait with me, I was just going to call a cab.”

 

Jane looks down at Regina who seems to be watching this conversation like an interesting tennis match, wondering who is going to win. The anger in her eyes seems to dissipate and makes room for what Maura would consider her “great idea” face.

 

“If I drive you home, will you watch Regina for a few hours?”

 

Regina gasps and looks at Maura with the biggest smile and she knows she's hooked. She reminds her so much of Jane when she was little, the same face that would convince her to hurdle over bushes and drink four cans of coke instead of going to bed at a decent hour. She would do anything for that face. 

 

“Of course, I would love to.”

 

“YES!”

 

“Hey, don't get too excited,” Jane says, squatting to get on her daughter's level and facing her, “you're going to get homework done and take a nap, because I don't want to interact with Grumpy Gabby when I get home. Deal?”

 

Regina nods. “Deal.” 

 

“Okay, run upstairs, get your stuff, Maura and I will wait in the car.”

 

Regina takes off back towards the elevator, pressing the call button a hundred times before the doors finally open. She's probably the most adorable thing Maura has ever seen, and she wonders if her own daughter would be that energetic and talkative. As the doors close behind her, Jane turns and heads out the door without a word, while Maura follows behind quietly. It's not until they are sitting in the car that Maura finally speaks. 

 

“I'm sorry to inconvenience you.”

 

“It's not a problem,” she says softly. 

 

“Jack really is a good guy, he's just very dedicated to his work.”

 

Jane makes a noise in the back of her throat. “Whatever you say, Maura.”

 

“You two just need one night together, I promise you'll like him.”

 

She hums and squints her eyes. “I don't know, Maura. The way he spoke to you last night was weird, and I don't appreciate that he couldn't come and pick you up. It's not like your his buddy just bumming a ride, you're his fiance. And you just moved here! What meeting, at a college campus that is probably closed, could be so important?”

 

Maura watches as Jane squares her jaw and shakes her head. She wonders what it would have been like had they grown up together. Would they have had this same conversation a million times over about the boys Maura dated in high school? She can't help but admire Jane's protectiveness, the same sort of energy she used to feel whenever she mentioned that her parents were out of town again, or that they had forgotten to leave her lunch money for the day. It makes her feel loved and cared for, something she hadn't experience in so long that maybe she has forgotten what it was like. She is such a beautiful person, so strong and caring, and shit now there are tears in Maura's eyes and she begs for them to go away. 

 

“Jane...I missed you so much.”

 

When Jane looks at her, all the frustration leaves her eye and is replaced with concern. 

 

“What's wrong, why are you crying?”

 

“Nothing! I just...I really appreciate your honesty and how protective you are of me, and I just realized that's been missing from my life for so long that I…,” Maura gives her a watery smile, “I missed you.”

 

And now Jane has tears in her eyes and it makes Maura want to cry even harder, but she knows she shouldn't. There is something else behind the tears, something like admiration and trust, something Maura wasn't expecting, and good, how had she never noticed how beautiful Jane's eyes are?

 

“I missed you, too,” she laughs a little, “God, we are pathetic. And how are you so gorgeous even when you're crying? It's unfair.”

 

“Well, so are you,” Maura laughs.

 

“No I'm not, the sad clown makeup was designed after my crying face.”

 

Before they can continue, the back door opens and Regina hops inside, throwing her back pack to the floor. Immediately, Jane switches back to Mom Mode, wiping her face and turning away from Maura to look in the rearview mirror.

 

“Got everything, Bug?”

 

Regina nods, and if she notices the tear marks on either woman's face, she doesn't mention them. 

 

“So, our apartment, or yours, Dr. Claus?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys don't mind that I'm whipping these chapters out so fast lol. This next one is kinda short, I'm sorry.

For about an hour, Regina buzzes around Jane's apartment, pointing things out to Maura and trying to do everything she can with her. For the second time in 24 hours, The Santa Clause 2 movie is set to play in the living room, and it's the only thing that seems to settle the girl down. Eventually she sits on the floor in front of the coffee table and decides to color, occasionally getting distracted by the bright colors of the cheerful movie. 

 

“Maura, do you think I could be one of Santa's elves?” She asks into her paper.

 

“Of course,” Maura smiles. 

 

“Do you think Santa would let me?”

 

“Well, let's see. Some of these elves are...800 years old?” Maura pretends to think for a minute before saying, “Maybe when you're older, he'll let you be one of his elves.”

 

“I sure hope so, that's my dream job.”

 

“You want to be an elf when you grow up?”

 

“Yeah,” she says, scribbling a little faster, “or a police officer. Like Ma and Uncle Frankie.”

 

Maura chuckles. “Those are two very different careers.”

 

“Nona thinks that I should be a baker, she says my pies and cookies are the best.”

 

“Really? Do you like to bake?”

 

Regina just nods before turning her head back up to the screen. On the screen, there is a man pulling Christmas gifts out of a bag and handing them off to all the adults in the room. Everything seems so much brighter than it did before, and Maura imagines that it must be, considering Santa is hand delivering gifts to a room full of sad adults. 

 

“Maura?”

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

She finally looks away from the screen to see Regina looking up at her from the floor, a nervous look in her eye. She tunes out the rest of the world, only focusing on this precious little girl, as the adults hoop and holler on the TV in excitement. 

 

“Of course,” she says, and smiles.

 

Regina presses her lips together in contemplation, as if she's not sure if she should say this or not, before taking in a deep breath.

 

“Does Santa not like me?”

 

The question is like a knife straight to Maura's heart, and she knows that Jane probably can't help what she can and can't afford, but she can't help but feel sad for her. This precious, sweet, energetic little girl, who has a mother that loves her to no end, still feels left out and forgotten by the one man who has really been there for her. She's not really sure how to respond, and her pause is so long that Regina starts speaking again. 

 

“I get one present from Santa every year. I know I usually get everything I ask for from Nona, or Uncle Frankie, or Uncle Tommy, but I am really good all the time. My friends aren't nearly as good as I am, and they get lots of presents. They keep telling me that maybe he doesn't like me. I try not to ask for much when I send in my list…”

 

Maura can almost feel her disappointment, the same disappointment she felt all those years ago when her parents only spent 20 minutes with her on Christmas morning before sending in the nanny and heading out to their respective holiday parties. All those years where she never knew of Santa or how most children receive hundreds of gifts while she usually only got one. Before she knew of Santa, she lived in ignorant bliss, never questioning the love she received from her parents. She never got to experience the magic of Santa, and now this girl is starting to lose it. She absolutely will not let that happen.

 

“Oh, honey...if your friends are saying that to you, they aren't really your friends. Maybe the elves made a mistake, or maybe your list is so short that he doesn't think you want anything,” she squints, choosing her words carefully, before saying, “How about, you come up with a new list, and I'll talk to Santa.”

 

With those four words, Regina's eyes go from sad to hyped in .5 seconds, and Maura's heart melts to the floor as Regina grins and throws herself into Maura's arms. In all her years of adulthood, she had never felt so warm and happy than in this exact moment. Getting this girl some extra presents and slapping a Santa label on them is much easier than bringing back the magic of childhood once it's gone.

 

“You'll really talk to him?”

 

“Anything for you.”

 

“Thank you, Maura. Tell him I've been very good!”

 

Maura grins to herself. “I'm sure he already knows.”

*********

When Jane returns from work, she is surprised to find Maura sitting alone on her couch. 

 

“No way, you actually got her to sleep?”

 

Maura nods. “Homework is finished, and we watched the 3rd Santa Clause movie before she finally fell asleep.”

 

“You're a witch,” Jane says, mesmerized. 

 

“Mmm, no, I'm Dr. Claus, remember?”

 

“Very funny, Maura.”

 

Maura laughs. “How was work?”

 

“After you left? Terrible. I had to chase down a perp and almost twisted my ankle avoiding a stroller. You want a drink?”

 

Maura looks down at her watch as Jane makes her way to the kitchen. 

 

“It's only 3 pm.”

 

“And? It's Saturday,” she shrugs. 

 

Maura chuckles. “No, thank you, but I'll stay until you finish yours, if you'd like.”

 

“Sure! Wanna watch the first Santa Clause movie?” Jane jokes.

 

“I'm all Santa'ed out, I think.”

 

“See, I'm not allowed to say that, or Regina will disown me,” she says, plopping down on the couch next to Maura.

 

“Speaking of, she and I had an interesting conversation today.”

 

Jane takes a sip of her drink and hums. “About what?”

 

“My fiance, Santa Claus. She said her friends are telling her that he doesn't like her because she only gets one gift from him.”

 

“Ugh, the brats. You know, I tell her all the time they aren't her friends, they always treat her like shit.”

 

“I told her that, too.”

 

“Good, maybe she'll listen to you, Dr. Claus,” Jane says, nudging her in the ribs with her elbow. She picks at her beer label, just like the night before, and Maura realizes that this is a tell for when she's upset about something. She's surprised it's taken less than 24 hours to learn all of Jane's new mannerisms. “Maybe I'm letting her take this Santa Claus thing too far.”

 

“She's just a kid, let her believe what she wants for as long as she can,” Maura says. 

 

“Well, now my kid thinks Santa hates her because I can't afford to get her a million gifts. I don't want her to think some random stranger doesn't like her when he's supposed to know everything about her...I wish I could afford everything she wanted.”

 

She watches as Jane's face drops with sadness and disappointment for herself. Maura can't help but think that Jane deserves so much more. She puts her life on the line every day as a detective, does everything she can for her daughter, all while caring and protecting every person she meets, and all she gets as thanks is a mediocre salary. Maura wishes she could take Jane and Regina in, make them her family and give them everything they want. 

 

Jane's long fingers pick at the label, so soft despite the years of hard work she has put into her life. Her eyes are down cast, looking at the floor, her hair falling slightly in her face. She is so beautiful, even now as she sits sad and exhausted on her living room couch. Maura wishes she could find a way to comfort her, but all she can think about is kissing her and wrapping her in her arms.

 

_ Kissing her? Where the hell did that come from, Maura?  _ She asks herself. 

 

“It'll be okay, Jane,” she says, and she knows it's not enough. Jane smiles anyway, but it doesn't reach her eyes. 

 

“I'll figure something out,” she mumbles, then her demeanor shifts into better spirits. “In the meantime, the BPD Christmas party is tomorrow night. You have to come.”

 

“But, I don't work there yet.”

 

Jane grins. “I have it on good authority that you basically do. And besides, I'm allowed a plus one.”

 

“Wait, I’m getting the job?” Maura asks. 

 

“Well, not officially, you still have that interview with the Mayor, but--”

 

Maura gasps with excitement and can't contain her smile. She hadn't even thought about the job since she left the precinct, but now that she knows she basically has it, she wants to cheer. It really is the perfect job, and the facility is nice, how could she not want this job?

 

“This is like every pathologist's dream come true!”

 

“You're welcome.”

 

“Oh, thank you for telling me, Jane,” she says, and wraps her arms clumsily around her neck. She feels Jane shift to hold her closer, their bodies so close that Maura stops breathing as she feels Jane's heart. Her own heart speeds up, sending her stomach into a tailspin as her legs tingle unexpectedly. As she presses her face into Jane's hair, she wonders what it would be like to be surrounded in Jane all the time, what it would be like to kiss her and hold her…

 

_ Whoa, Maura, what are you doing! _ She shouts in her head. 

 

A little too quickly, she pulls away and starts to stand, but not before she notices the look on Jane's face. It's filled with concern and disappointment, and something else that Maura can't quite put her finger on. Suddenly her phone rings, and she's grateful for the excuse to look away from Jane's slightly heaving chest. She doesn't even look to see who it is, just answers.

 

“Hello.”

 

“Hey, babe, where are you? Did you get home okay?” Jack asks on the other end. 

 

“Yeah, I'm at home,” she says.

 

“So am I, where are you?” He chuckles. 

 

“Oh, shit, sorry, I'm upstairs. Jane wanted me to watch her daughter while she was still at work.”

 

“Okay, I'll come up--”

 

“No, actually, she just got here, I was just about to head out.”

 

“Oh, okay,” she can hear the smile in his voice, “See you soon, then. Love you.”

 

“Love you, too,” she murmurs, and hangs up.

 

She and Jane hadn't been doing anything, all they had done was hug. So why does she feel so guilty about it? Why can't she look at Jane in the eye and why didn't she tell him the truth in the first place?

 

In that moment Maura realizes something that she had been holding onto for a long time, something that explained all those late nights where she could only lay awake in bed and think about Jane. Something that makes complete and total sense to her now but back then she was too young to understand. 

 

“I...I have to go.”

 

Jane smiles, but her voice sounds worried. “Do you want me to walk you down?”

 

“Uh, no, that's okay. Thank you for today, Jane.”

 

“Thanks for talking to Regina. See you tomorrow?”

 

Without looking behind her, Maura nods and walks out of the apartment. Only after she hears the door close does she make her way as quickly down the stairs as she can, jumping over the last step to avoid tripping on it like she had tripped over her feelings for Jane. 

 

Because what she has realized through the trembling blood in her veins and the beat of her heart is that after just two days, Maura Isles was falling back in love with Jane Rizzoli.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love one holiday trope...and it's mistletoe. Enjoy ;)

That next morning she interviews with the Mayor, and he hires her on the spot. Just like that. In the thirty minutes it takes her to get home, she has a welcome email from Lieutenant Cavanaugh and an invitation to the Christmas party. The one Jane will be attending. Right.

 

She wastes her day away alternating between sitting and thinking, and unpacking and thinking, while Jack watches her warily from behind his laptop. It's not until she almost drops the new curtain rod on her head that he finally says something.

 

“Hey, are you okay? Maybe you should sit down, let me get you something to eat.”

 

“I'm fine,” Maura says.

 

“Maura, please. You've been running around like some kinda cleaning robot, let me at least make you a bagel.”

 

Maura sighs and puts the curtain rod on the floor. “Okay, fine.”

 

Ever since her revelation yesterday, she hasn't been able to look Jack in the eye either. When she got home last night, she had avoided him by choosing to go shopping and decorate the apartment before going to bed early while he stayed up finishing his lesson plans. She feels guilty for avoiding him, but at the same time she can't seem to allow him to touch her while her mind is in a million places.

 

He sits down gently on the couch next to her, placing the bagel in her lap, perfectly made with peanut butter and cinnamon like she likes it.

 

“What's wrong? Are you mad about yesterday?” He asks, and he sounds so sad. He really is very attractive, sweet, the perfect man. So why is she more in love with Jane instead?

 

“No,” she reassures him, “I'm not mad at you.”

 

“Then what's wrong? What aren't you telling me?”

 

If that isn't a loaded question, then Maura has no idea what the term means. There are so many things she hasn't told him that she's not entirely sure where to start. She looks down at the bagel in her lap, a token of love from this wonderful man, and it makes her want to throw up. She knows she should just tell him, rip off the band-aid before this goes too far, she's engaged to him for God's sake.

 

“Is this about that job? Did you apply for it?”

 

Finally, he gives her the opening she needs and she jumps at the opportunity to save herself. That definitely is something she hasn't told him. She nods immediately, her stomach settling, but her heart speeds up at the lie.

 

“I did apply, and I got it,” she says slowly.

 

His eyes go wide and he gives her a brilliant smile. A smile that would have charmed her a week ago but now just makes her heart hurt.

 

“Maura! That's wonderful! Is that why you've been acting weird? You thought I would be mad about you taking the job?”

 

She finds the courage to take a bite of the bagel, nodding her head and wiping the peanut butter from her chin. Once she takes that first bite, her breathing starts to go back to normal, almost like her body just needed a distraction.

 

“Maura...I could never be mad about you doing something you love. What is the job?”

 

“It's, uh, I'm Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.”

 

Somehow his eyes go even wider and she remembers why she liked him immediately, his open expression of emotion the complete opposite of herself.

 

“Holy shit, that's big,” he murmurs.

 

“I know,” she whispers, and a little bit of the excitement she felt yesterday is back.

 

“Maura!” He kisses her on the temple and says, “You're brilliant. I’m so proud of you.”

 

“Thank you,” she smiles.

 

“We should go out and celebrate tonight.”

 

“Yeah that sounds--shit. The BPD Christmas Party is tonight.”

 

He smiles. “That's even better! When is it?”

 

“It starts at 7.”

 

“Perfect!”

 

“I was going to go with Jane--”

 

“Tell her she can come with us, there is plenty of room in the car for her.”

 

She can't deny him, not when he is this happy. He jumps up from the couch and heads to the bedroom, talking about picking out their outfits so they can match and how happy he is that she's finally feeling better. She scolds herself internally. How dare she almost ruin this relationship? He's perfect, loving, caring, beautiful...why can't she just love him instead? Besides, she doesn't even know if Jane feels the same way. She hopes that Jane does, because if she doesn't, who knows what that means for their friendship? She knows she can't lose Jane, not when she's just gotten her back.

*********

She's just finishing the final touches of her makeup and hair when she hears the knock on the door.

 

“I've got it,” Jack calls, just before opening the door and greeting Jane.

 

She looks herself over in the mirror, begging her heart to calm down and manipulating her eyes to make herself look less deer-in-the-headlights. She's slightly disappointed in the look Jack had picked out, a nice red sweater and black pants, but she’s happy she'll at least be comfortable while she over thinks the entire night. She nods once to herself, and leaves the ensuite bathroom.

 

She passes Jack on the way in and he is looking for something.

 

“What's up?”

 

“I need a tie.”

 

“No you don't, you look fine,” she says kindly. He really does, wearing a green button up and black pants of his own.

 

He gives her a look that says “you don't know what you're saying” before going back to searching his things. She makes a small sigh and walks out of the bedroom and only when she sees Jane does she understand his reasoning.

 

The first thing Maura notices are her legs, long and tan under a mid thigh length tight dress. The V neck shows off just enough cleavage while keeping her modest, the sleeves slightly off her shoulders, accentuating her arms. Her hair, like always, is down and wild like a lion, and by some weird coincidence, the dress is the same color as Maura’s sweater. Maura knows she's staring, and she can almost feel her jaw touching the floor.

 

“What?” Jane says, looking nervous, “Is it too much?”

 

“No, you look gorgeous,” Maura murmurs, “I am...severely under dressed, I should change.”

 

“No!” Jane exclaims, “You look beautiful. Regina picked this out for me, I'm probably over dressed, it's okay.”

 

“Are you sure?” Jack asks as he comes back into the room, tie all made up.

 

“Yes,” Jane says, and she smiles, but it's not at Maura. She can't seem to make eye contact with Maura, while Maura can't keep her eyes off her body. She shakes her head, snapping herself out of her trance, thinking maybe Jane is uncomfortable with her staring, and hoping that Jack didn't notice.

 

“Maura, are you ready to go?”

 

She nods blindly, keeping her eyes to the floor and off of Jane's legs as Jack leads her to the car with one hand on her back. It's only been 10 minutes in Jane's presence and Maura knows it's already going to be a difficult night for her.

*********

For a group of police officers, these people really know how to party. Though the ballroom isn't grand, there are other rooms off to the side with games and puzzles to entertain everyone, and an open bar next to the buffet. Christmas trees and fake snow surround the perimeter of the dance floor, while a DJ jams out behind his stand at the front. There are plenty of tables, but most of them are empty as Boston's finest men and women get their groove on out on the dance floor.

 

As they enter the room, a few whoops go up from the crowd in Jane's direction, causing her to blush and give them the middle finger in response. Once they have had their fill of Jane, Maura can feel all eyes are on her now, questioning why she is there with Jane. She wishes she could go off somewhere and hide, or better yet, go home, but as Jack wraps one arm around her waist and pulls her closer, she knows that's not going to happen.

 

“Wow, this looks great!”

 

“Thank you,” Jane smiles softly, “I helped set up a little bit.”

 

“We should grab some drinks and head to the dance floor. Jane, you in?” Jack asks.

 

“Ah, no,” she says, dismissing him with a wave, “I don't dance.”

 

“How about this, Jane and I can go find a table, and you get the drinks?” Maura suggests.

 

“Okay! Maura, wine? And Jane, what do you want?”

 

“Beer is fine, whatever they have.”

 

“Okay, be right back,” he says, leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to Maura's lips. She is kind of surprised at the public display of affection and gives him a look with one eyebrow raised. “There is mistletoe over there,” he whispers, pointing to one of the many doorways that seem to be decorated by the favorite holiday trap.

 

“We are nowhere near that,” she says.

 

“Well, I saw it, and I wanted to kiss you,” he says with a wink, and then, “Okay, I'll be back.”

 

She watches him go for a second, his backside perfectly rounded in those black pants, before turning back to a smirking Jane.

 

“What?” Maura asks, nonchalantly.

 

“Nothing,” Jane grins, “So, when is the wedding anyway?”

 

They start making their way across the sea of tables, searching every one for three empty seats along the way.

 

“The 26th.”

 

Jane stops and looks at her skeptically. “Of December?”

 

“Yes,” Maura nods.

 

“...Why?”

 

Maura shrugs and keeps walking. “Seems as good a day as any.”

 

“But, that's so close to Christmas.”

 

“We don't mind.”

 

“Okay, whatever you say,” Jane says, but she still sounds skeptical of the whole thing, like maybe if it was on a different day then she would approve. “I didn't think he was gonna come tonight.”

 

“Well, I told him about the job and he was happy and wanted to celebrate with me, I couldn't say no.”

 

“I mean, yeah, he's your fiance, why would you want to say no?”

 

She repeats that question in her head, but her mind attaches this mocking voice to the statement. Yeah, Maura, why _would_ you want to say no to your fiance, whom you're supposed to be in love with, to spend a night _alone_ with Jane? She hopes Jane doesn't read into it as much as she is questioning her own word choice.

 

They finally find an empty table, big enough to seat ten people for their three. They place their things in the chairs, marking the table as theirs for any vultures who might come by and try to swoop in on their seats. All the while Maura can feel eyes on her body, and when she turns to look, four separate people quickly turn their heads in the other direction.

 

“Why is everyone staring at me?” She asks Jane.

 

Jane looks behind her shoulder at the crowd before meeting Maura's gaze. “They probably know you're the new Chief M.E. and are surprised you look the way you do.”

 

Maura's eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Like what?”

 

“I dunno,” Jane shrugs, “Young, blonde, female? Pretty? You're like the opposite of what they would expect.”

 

Maura's heart flutters at Jane's description and can't help the next sentence that comes out of her mouth.

 

“You think I'm pretty?”

 

Jane chuckles. “Yes, Maura, I think you're pretty.”

 

It's a throw away comment but the way Jane's eyes shine she's knows she's telling the truth. She knows Jane only means it aesthetically, and that she probably shouldn't read into it, but shit if she isn't the most beautiful woman she has ever seen. An image flashes across her eyes, an image of her pulling Jane by the hand to the bathroom and kissing her against the wall. She turns away from Jane in an attempt to rid herself of that image, but she can still feel her heart beating loudly in her chest. Her mind starts racing with different thoughts, the biggest one screaming that she should tell Jane how she feels, and it's deceptive and selfish to keep that to herself.

 

She's about to turn around and just say it when she sees Jack making his way to the table, two bottles of beer and a glass of wine in his hands. He's smiling and he looks so happy and her heart hurts because she knows something will happen that will make that go away.

 

_Tomorrow_ , she thinks, _I'll tell her tomorrow_.

 

“Okay, a beer for the lady, and a wine for _my_ lady,” he says, grinning and handing them their respective drinks.

 

“Thanks, Jack.”

 

“Let's dance!”

 

“Mmm,” Jane says, “It's still a no from me, Jack. Sorry.”

 

“Maura?” He turns to her, his eyes shining bright, like a child. He is beautiful, and she loves him for being so supportive. She can't deny him with that smile.

 

As he pulls her gently by the hand, she swallows her entire glass of wine in one go, out in the open, for all of her new colleagues to see.

*********

Jack drags her all over the party, makes her play a round of every single game, enter the raffle, and dances with her in his arms for an hour straight. She can tell people are staring, wondering who they are to be invading their fun space, and every time Maura sees Jane laughing across the room accompanied by that flutter in her chest, she punishes herself with another glass of wine.

 

It takes 3 glasses of wine for the mild anxiety to disappear completely from her system. It takes her 5 glasses to feel a level of awesome she knows she won't feel in the morning. She would be worried if she didn't notice that Jack was drinking just as much, matching her drink for drink. She wonders if he thought they were drinking together in celebration.

 

Though she is drunk, she is still able to walk, which is a miracle considering the 4 inch heels on her feet. She grabs Jack's hand and pulls him gently off the dance floor because, well, he's not doing as well as she is, and she's starting to feel hungry. The buffet seems to be a popular spot, the majority of the party goers are sitting down and eating, while only a few people are left on the dance floor. She can just barely feel his fingers intertwined with her own, attempts to squeeze them, and heads towards their table.

 

“Baby, I have to take a leak,” Jack slurs, “Where’s the bathroom?”

 

She stops and he runs into her a little bit, grabbing her hips to keep her from falling. She looks around the room, losing her focus a bit, before finally seeing the sign for the rest room.

 

“This way,” she says, taking his hand again and heading in that direction.

 

He's walking very close behind her and as soon as they step into the archway of the bathroom hallway, he stops her. He pulls her arm gently, turning her around to face him. He has the cutest, dopiest, drunkest grin on his face and god, he really is attractive. He leans in, pressing their lips together in a significantly less chaste kiss than the one he gave her earlier that night. When he pulls away, he smiles at her again before pulling her into a sloppy hug.

 

“What was that for?” She asks.

 

“Mistletoe,” he mumbles.

 

“I thought you had to go to the bathroom?”

 

“I do.” He pulls away from her, plants a big kiss on her forehead and squeezes her hand. “Meet you back at the table?”

 

She just nods and makes sure he gets into the bathroom before making her way back to the table. Every seat seems to be filled with a person now, including Angela, Lieutenant Cavanaugh, and one of the lab technicians Maura had met the day before. Jane sees her coming and smiles really big, and Maura curses her heart for reacting the way it does.

 

“Hey, Maura! Do you remember Tommy and Frankie?” Jane asks.

 

“Your brothers?”

 

She looks to the two men, so similar to Jane with their dark hair and tan skin that there is no mistaking the family connection.

 

“Oh my God, they are HUGE!” Maura exclaims.

 

“That's what happens when you grow up,” Frankie jokes.

 

“Yeah, and look, you got hot!” Tommy chimes in, and Frankie elbows him in the ribs.

 

“So did you!” Maura laughs.

 

“Maura!” Jane exclaims.

 

“Sorry, I've...I've been drinking,” she says, patting Jane's shoulder.

 

“I see that, how much?”

 

“Oh,” Maura pretends to count, “Like, 5 glasses of wine? Yeah, that sounds right.”

 

“Holy shit, Maura, it's only been 2 and a half hours.”

 

“Jane,” Maura places her hand on Jane's cheek and her eyes go wide, “It’s fine. I know what I can handle.”

 

“Where's Jack?”

 

“I walked him to the bathroom.”

 

“Has he had as much as you?”

 

“Jane,” she puts her other hand on her other cheek, and Jane places her hands on Maura's forearms. Her touch makes her cheeks heat up more than they already are, and she wonders what it would feel like to have those fingers on her body. She realizes she got distracted and has been quiet for too long when Jane gives her a look. “What was I saying?”

 

“How much has Jack had?”

 

“Right! Yeah, he's had...4 beers I think? Yep that's correct.”

 

“Mmm, I think I need to take you two home,” Jane says, squinting a little.

 

“What?” Maura exclaims, “No, Jane, I haven't even had the buffet yet!”

 

Jane sighs and Maura can't help but think how cute Jane is when she's fake annoyed.

 

“Fine. You sit here, I'll get you some food, and I'm gonna send Frankie in to check on Jack.”

 

“What?” Frankie sputters, “Why me?”

 

“Because you're a cop and it's your job.”

 

“No it isn't, Jane!”

 

“Frankie, you're in BPD?” Maura shouts across the table.

 

“Yes, he is,” Jane answers and Frankie gets up, “Now, please, stay here, okay?”

 

Maura nods and grabs Jane's hand. “I promise.”

 

She realizes too late that maybe she's touching Jane a little too much, her drunk fingers doing things as if they have minds of their own. The room has taken on a soft glow, the fuzzy look that everything gets when you've had one too many, like when you're so exhausted that you can't keep your eyes open. She knows she's about ready to fall asleep sitting up, but the sway of Jane's hips is distracting and somehow it brings her back to attention.

 

How can someone so wonderful be friends with someone so cold? That's how Maura sees herself, cold and emotionless, but still Jane is so kind to her. Even after years of not speaking to her, somehow they had gone right back to where they were before, best friends, and Maura knows she is not the same girl that she was before. She is hard, cold, emotionless most of the time as a result of emotional neglect, and she wonders how anyone could fall in love with her. How had Jack? And how could Jane?

 

During her pity party, she had been so distracted that she hadn't noticed that Jane was coming back. She slinks her way around the tables and only when she places the plate of food in front of Maura does she realize she's there. She looks amused more than concerned, but it's there.

 

“Hey, you okay?”

 

Maura nods, and looks down at her feist. Jane had gotten her a bit of everything, and it seems that the buffet did have everything in her drunken state of mind. Of course she got everything, she's Jane, the best human being in the world.

 

She can feel Jane judging her, and to avoid her gaze and potential questioning, she picks up her fork and starts digging into the macaroni and cheese. She's eating fast, and she knows she is probably going to regret it later, but she keeps going despite her hair and her arm and the table getting in her way. She really wishes things would stop trying to keep her from eating.

 

Then, like maybe someone had heard her prayers, there is a gentle touch against her temple. The fingers are soft, accidentally brushing along her skin before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She looks in the direction of the hand and there is Jane, smiling softly at her and moving the rest of her hair out of her eating space. Her eyes seem much bigger and softer in this light, and Maura gets the overwhelming urge to hug her. There is a look in Jane's eyes that remind Maura of the way Jack looks at her, but then it's gone, replaced with guilt or shame, and she starts to look away.

 

“Thank you, Jane,” Maura murmurs, and she wonders if Jane can even hear her over the loudness of the room.

 

“Jane, is this him?” A voice calls.

 

Jane looks up and over Maura's shoulder. Curious, Maura turns in her seat to see what the commotion is about. A very happy Jack is being carried across the room by a very annoyed looking Frankie. He tries to say hello to everyone, waving his unoccupied hand while Frankie has to coax him into moving towards the table where he belongs. If Maura was sober, this would not be funny in the least, but she has to put her hand over her mouth to keep her laughter to an acceptable decibel.

 

“It's not funny, Maura,” Frankie mutters as he gets Jack into the seat beside her.

 

“Ooo, mashed potatoes,” Jack coos, and picks up a fork and helps himself to Maura's plate.

 

“Yeah, Maura,” Jane chimes in, “We will see how funny it is when I have to do the same thing to you in a minute.”

 

“Oh please, Jane,” Maura scoffs, “I can walk perfectly fine.”

 

Jane grins at her, like maybe she doesn't believe her and pats her hand.

 

“Finish your food so I can take you home.”

 

Thankfully, Jack finishes most of her plate for her, and somehow they are heading out the door in just 10 short minutes. Jane helps Frankie hall Jack out of his chair, grabbing the car keys from his jacket pocket before turning to Maura. She offers her one hand and Maura only looks at it, as if it has personally offended her, before getting out of her chair on her own. She wobbles for a second and stabilizes, smiling at Jane triumphantly and following after Frankie and Jack. Jane walks next to her, ready to catch her in case she falls, and Maura wants so badly to grab her hand. So, she just does, like it's the most natural thing in the world, like Jane is already hers, and she smiles when Jane doesn't resist.

 

As they are walking out towards the front hallway, there is a whoop in Jane's direction like when they entered earlier in the night, but this time they don't stop and there is a word being chanted that Maura can't quite make out.

 

“Rizzoli! Come on, be a man!”

 

“You have to do it, Rizzoli!”

 

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

 

She feels Jane stop and look over her shoulder with disdain, the giant crowd of people taunting her like 3rd graders. She watches as Jane glares at every person in the room, the gears turning in her head, thinking. Maura can't help but watch in admiration, and when Jane finally looks at her and then looks up at the top of the archway, she makes her decision.

 

Before Maura can even comprehend what is happening, Jane is knotting her fingers into Maura's hair and their lips are pressed together. It's not dissimilar to the kiss Jack had given her only half an hour before, but this one feels so different. Her lips are warm, her skin is soft, and her fingers are cradling her head so gently that Maura feels like her head is floating. The whole world seems to disappear and there is only Jane and her warm skin and the feeling of love blooming in her chest.

 

A roar erupts from their audience, and suddenly the world spins again, but Jane pulls away reluctantly. Maura doesn't want her to stop, tries to follow her with her own lips, but she knows Jane is already gone. When she opens her eyes, Jane's eyes are wide with shock, as if she's surprised by what she just did. Frankly, Maura is kind of shocked too.

 

“Wh...what was that for?” She asks.

 

“There was mistletoe and…”

 

She can't even finish her sentence because the crowd around them is getting too rowdy. Maura sees the moment when Jane realizes her mistake and she wishes that she could unsee it, because now Maura feels like her entire existence is a mistake.

 

Jane looks away too quickly, and just as Maura's heart is about to break into a million pieces, Jane grabs her hand and leads her away from the jeering crowd.


	6. Chapter 6

When she opens her eyes the next morning, the sun is so bright that her eyeballs feel like they are disintegrating almost immediately. There is a wonderful smell in the air, but as soon as that thought crosses her mind, her stomach argues otherwise. She's about to just close her eyes again when a pair of big brown eyes, and a round face she wasn't expecting, comes into focus. 

 

Their faces are only inches apart, but Maura can see that Regina's hair is wild and messy, like maybe she has just gotten out of bed, and somehow her face is able to form a smile. Regina grins happily at her, as if Maura waking up is the highlight of her day.

 

“Good morning, Dr. Claus,” she whispers.

 

“Regina,” Jane stage whispers from the dining room table, “Leave her alone.”

 

“We are making breakfast, do you want some?”

 

She feels her stomach constrict in disgust while also gurgling with hunger like it has a split personality, and she has no idea which stomach will actually take the food. 

 

“Not right now,” Maura whispers, “Thank you, sweetie.”

 

“Regina, if you wake her up--”

 

“She's already awake.”

 

Jane walks around the couch and tilts her head down to see that Maura is indeed awake. The smile on her face is so gentle and kind, almost motherly, the same sort of look Angela used to give her when she was younger. 

 

“Hey, sleepy, how are you feeling?”

 

“Like my eyes are going explode into dust,” Maura mutters, trying to sit up. 

 

“Be careful,” Jane says.

 

“I'm fine.”

 

Once she finally sits upright, she notices she's on the couch in the living room, and she knows she's been there all night by the crick in her back. Jane sits down beside her, placing one hand on her thigh before handing her a glass of water. 

 

“Small sips,” Jane murmurs. 

 

Maura takes one sip and says, “This isn't my first time being hungover, you know.”

 

“What's 'hungover’?” Regina asks. 

 

“It just means she's sick.”

 

“Oh,” Regina frowns, “I'm sorry you're sick, Maura. Do you want a hug to make you feel better?”

 

Maura smiles at her cute little face. She's wearing flannel Christmas pajamas, a button up shirt and some pants with Christmas trees and little Grinches all over them. Her hair is messy, just how Jane used to wear it when she was little, and her little feet are covered with fuzzy socks. She's too cute to resist, even if her stomach and skin want to be left alone. 

 

“That would be lovely,” she says, and opens her arms for Regina to step into. Though she's skinny and her limbs are long and slightly awkward, her hug is strong and comforting. She smells like lavender shampoo and Maura wishes she could be comforted by that scent all day long. 

 

Regina pulls away and gives her a small smile and oh Lord does Maura's heart melt.

 

“Thank you,” Maura sighs.

 

“Hey, bug,” Jane says, gently grabbing her arm, “Why don't you go upstairs and get ready to go to Nona's, hmm?”

 

“What about Maura? She's sick, we can't leave her, can we?” She asks, her voice filled with worry.

 

“I'll take care of her and make her feel better before we go to Nona's, okay?”

 

Regina nods. “Okay.”

 

“Grab a pancake and head upstairs.”

 

She and Maura watch Regina as she reluctantly does as Jane says, taking two pancakes in her little hands and closing the front door softly behind her. Maura misses the shuffling sound almost immediately, as if she's been listening to it her whole life instead of just those few minutes. 

 

“I have to talk to you about something,” Jane says once she knows Regina is gone. She knows that look in Jane's eye, like she's about to say something that will make them both uncomfortable, and a rush of panic tickles her spine. Did she say something last night that she shouldn't have?

 

“Okay,” she says softly. She kind of wants to throw up, though she's not sure if that's from the alcohol or the fact that she's not entirely ready to lose Jane. 

 

“So...that talk you had with Regina yesterday…”

 

Maura almost laughs with relief. This, she can handle. If it were anything else she might lose her mind with fear.

 

“Look, I really appreciate you trying to help, but I just can't afford getting her more than one present--”

 

Maura shakes her head and smiles. “Don't worry about it. I've got it covered.”

 

Jane's eyes widen with shock and embarrassment. Maura knows that Jane is proud about money, she has been for as long as she has known her, but there is absolutely no way that Maura is backing down from this plan. 

 

“I can't let you do that--”

 

“Jane,” she says, grabbing the hand that she just now notices is still on her thigh and squeezing it, “I want to do this. Let me do this for her.”

 

“Maura, I--”

 

“I don't have any kids of my own, Jane, and that girl is...so sweet, and beautiful. Please, just this once,” she begs.

 

At the complement of her only daughter, Jane's eyes fill with so much love that it runs over into her smile. She still looks embarrassed, like not being able to afford more than one present makes her a bad mother, and Maura wishes she could change that. They lock eyes for a minute, Maura's begging, and Jane's unsure, until finally Jane gives in with a small, grateful smile. Maura can feel her own grin, much wider than she thought possible on this horrible hangover morning. 

 

“Thank you,” Jane says. 

 

“Of course.”

 

Jane sighs. “You know she's just going to expect this every year now, right?”

 

“Well, when she meets Jack, she'll realize I'm not Mrs. Claus and she'll forget.”

 

“You better hope so, cuz I'm only letting you do this once!”

 

They share a laugh and all the tension from the day before seems to be gone. She squeezes Jane's hand, holding on to the realness of her, sitting so close. A fuzzy image, filled with warmth, bubbles up from her mind, and she's not sure if it's a dream or a memory. Something about mistletoe and kissing Jane. If it's not real, then why is she tingling all over? She decides just to ignore it.

 

“So, Jack is in the bedroom, I put a bucket by his bed and made sure he was laying on his side.”

 

“And why am I on the couch?”

 

“You said something about throwing up if you see him throw up? I don't know, I just figured it was best to keep you two separated,” Jane shrugs. 

 

“Mmm, good idea,” Maura says, “So, you're going to Angela's today?”

 

“Yeah, she wants to fly down to Florida for the rest of the year, so we are having Christmas a day early.”

 

Maura blanches at that statement, looking around for a calendar she knows she doesn't have. Is today really Christmas Eve? Did they really move that late in December?

 

“Is...is today really the 24th?” She asks, incredulously. 

 

Jane scoffs. “Yeah, where have you been?”

 

“I don't know,” Maura says, “With the move I just lost track of time. Hmm.”

 

“Hmm,” Jane repeats, then raised her eyebrows in thought, “Hey, do you want to come with Regina and I? Ma will be happy to watch you eat, she was kinda worried last night.”

 

“I would love to, but Jack probably shouldn't be left alone,” Maura frowns.

 

“Mmm, true. Okay, well, I have to be at my mother's by 3.”

 

“You have plenty of time,” Maura says. 

 

Jane looks at her skeptically, then looks down at her watch, then back to Maura before showing her the time. Maura gasps. 

 

“It's 2 pm?”

 

Jane laughs. “Yeah, you slept pretty hard.”

 

“Jesus, why didn't you wake me earlier?”

 

“Because you're too cute when you sleep, and you probably would have murdered me,” Jane says, standing up and heading towards the door. “I guess I'll be seeing you later tonight, Dr. Claus?”

 

Maura smiles and chooses to ignore the comment about being cute, despite the gymnastic routine happening inside of her body. “Yes, I'll be by to deliver Santa's gifts after Regina is asleep.”

 

“Perfect,” Jane grins. “I'll text you.”

*********

Though Regina's new list had been small, the things she had asked for were relatively large. At the top of her list was a bicycle, and, being Maura, not only did she get the bicycle, but she also got a helmet and plenty of protective padding. She had asked for dolls, games, puzzles, and arts and craft supplies that Maura had never even heard of before. Not only did Maura get everything on the list, but she also added in a few little gifts of her own, things she hoped Regina would like. 

It takes her most of the day to wrap everything, after spending an hour just trying to get off the couch without throwing up. Usually she's an expert wrapper, but considering the pain in her head and the weird gurgle of her stomach, it takes her twice as long as it normally would. 

 

Jack sleeps for most of the day, and in between presents she goes to check on him, making sure he's still on his side, and makes him sip water. She knows he's going to be out for the rest of the night, and for once she's glad that their family isn't coming until the wedding day to celebrate Christmas. 

 

She's wiping his forehead with a cold wash cloth when he finally decides to wake up. It's almost 7 pm, and he had spent the entire day asleep. Now that she thinks about it, she can't remember the last time he drank, which explains why he got so messed up on 4 bottles of beer. 

 

“Hey,” he croaks, his voice hoarse from throwing up.

 

“Hi,” she says, smiling at him, “How are you feeling?”

 

“I feel better,” he says, rubbing her thigh, “What time is it?”

 

“6:50.”

 

“P.M.?” 

 

She nods and he lays back against his pillows again.

 

“Fuck,” he mutters.

 

“Did you have something to do today?”

 

“No, it's just...I slept all day, wow.”

 

She chuckles. “Yeah, I didn't get up until 2. Do you want something to eat?”

 

“Sure, did you make something?”

 

“Not yet, I was going to make some pasta.”

 

He sighs and starts to sit up. “That sounds great.”

 

She helps him stand, even though he doesn't need it, and after he's on his feet he doesn't let go of her hand. Instead, they walk together, fingers intertwined, into the living room. She feels nothing from this, like holding the hand of a stranger, but at the same time it's not entirely unpleasant. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knows she loves him in some way, just not the way she loves Jane. It isn't until this moment, when she let's go of his hand so he can sit on the couch and she can go cook that she realizes that is okay. It's okay that she isn't in love with him, because she cares about him, and that is just the way life works. You fall in and out of love when you least expect it. 

 

She puts on a pot of water and turns the burner up to high, pulling out the box of pasta and the strainer. It's such a simple task, Maura wonders why she doesn't do it more often.

 

“What are all these presents?” Jack says, looking at her from over the back of the couch. 

 

“Oh, those are for Regina. I wanted to do something nice for her.”

 

“Who's Regina?”

 

Of course he doesn't know who that is, he's never met her and she's never said it to him before. How could she have gone this long without tell him her name?

 

“Regina is Jane's daughter. She's very sweet.”

 

He goes unusually quiet and turns back towards the TV, his hair the only thing that she can see. She's not entirely sure what's happening, but she walks over to the couch and sits down next to him anyway. He doesn't look at her, which is worrying. They sit in silence while Maura just watches him, wishing he would say something instead of building this tension between them. She reaches for his hand, and when he doesn't resist, she links their fingers together. Something tells her that she needs to comfort him, although she's not sure why when they haven't even spoken. 

 

“You know, that first night when I called you and you said you were with a neighbor...I was insanely jealous,” he says.

 

Maura squeezes his hand, letting him know that she's listening without interrupting him. 

 

“When you came down and I heard another voice, I was ready to punch the dude who was talking to my fiance, and inviting her into their apartment. And then I opened the door, and there was Jane,” he smiles a bit to himself. “When I saw her, I wasn't jealous anymore because, well...you know.”

 

“She's a woman,” Maura murmurs. 

 

“Exactly,” he shakes his head, “And then last night, when I let her in… the way you looked at her…”

 

His voice cracks and it's the one thing Maura needed to set her off. Her eyes start clouding with tears and she squeezes his hand to make him continue. 

 

“And then I saw the way she looked at you at the party, the way she was by your side to make sure you were okay and get you whatever you needed...and I realized something.”

 

She can feel the tears running down her cheeks, hot, cutting through the grime she had accumulated over the night. She uses her free arm to wipe them on her sleeve, and that's when he finally looks at her. He is sad, but there is a resignation in his eyes and his voice that let's her know that he understands and he's not going to fight her about it. 

 

“She's in love with you, Maura. And if the kiss I think I saw last night was as real as I remember it being...you're in love with her, too. What I don't understand is how that can be when you've only known her for a few days.”

 

Maura presses her lips together and looks down at their hands. Her hand looks so small within his, like maybe he could crush her at any minute, but surprisingly she's the one doing the crushing. She wishes things could be different. 

 

“We were best friends before I went to boarding school. I...I think I was in love with her then. But, I was so young...love was the last thing I was thinking about.”

 

He just nods, and also looks down to their hands, and she wonders if he's thinking about how these little hands could do so much damage to his heart.

 

“I don't think we can get married.”

 

Now it's her turn to nod. “I don't think so.”

 

He squeezes his eyes shut and tears run down his chin and God, it hurts more than she thought it would. She can barely breathe, his pain is so palpable, it reaches into her body and squeezes her throat. He lets out a small sob and she echos in response, before she pulls him against her to cry on her shoulder. Everything is raw, her nerve endings exposed like a horrible burn. She wishes this didn't have to end this way, she hopes they can still be friends. 

 

“I love you, Maura,” he whispers.

 

She sniffs and that's all she can do. She wants to say it back, but she knows it won't mean the same thing to him as it does to her. She knows saying it will only make this worse. 

 

She pulls him tighter against her and he crawls on top of her like a child, pressing his face into her neck and holding her one last time while the water in the pot boils in the kitchen, forgotten. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter, I hope you guys are ready lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa look at that, I finished by Christmas. Thank you all for reading and I hope you had a wonderful holiday and all good things come to you in the New Year!

It's nearing midnight when Jane finally decides it's safe enough for Maura to deliver her gifts. Her text is short and simple, telling her to come up and the door is unlocked for her, but Maura can't help the flutter in her chest that rises when she sees Jane's name light up her phone screen. 

 

It takes her two trips up the stairs to get everything on Jane's floor, mostly because she's can't carry her bag of presents and a bicycle at the same time, so by the time she's finished, 10 minutes have passed. She hopes that Jane doesn't think she's backing out. She turns the knob, testing to make sure it's unlocked, before quietly entering the apartment.

 

It looks like a scene from a movie. All the lights are off except for the lights on the tree, a soft halo of greens and reds and blues casting the living room in a fire-like glow. Under the tree there are two presents wrapped with Grinch wrapping paper, lying peacefully on top of a plaid tree skirt that is so Jane that Maura can't help but smile. 

 

Only then does she notice that Jane herself is missing, and the slight anxiety that she was feeling before starts to fade away. She figures maybe Jane is already in bed, and decides to get to work and put out the gifts as quickly as possible.

 

She's about halfway through when long, warm fingers slide gently over her eyes and her vision goes dark. For a second, she almost gasps, but this feels all too familiar for her to be afraid. Her heart speeds up with unexpected anticipation.

 

“Guess who,” Jane whispers.

 

Maura smiles and whispers, “I know it's you, Jane.”

 

Her hands are gone just as suddenly as they appeared and Jane moves to stand next to Maura instead. She's looking at all the gifts, and by the glow of the light she can see that Jane's eyes have started to water. 

 

“Maura, what did you do?” She sighs. 

 

She turns back to her work, pulling another gift out of her bag, before replying, “I brought presents for Regina.”

 

“This is too much, Maura.”

 

“Shhh,” Maura says, turning and taking Jane's hand, “Regina deserves it.”

 

“I mean yeah, but what if she turns into a brat after this? You know you're going to have to adopt her from me if that happens, right?”

 

Maura chuckles. “That's not going to happen, Jane.”

 

She squeezes Jane's hand one last time before going back to the bag to pull out the last two presents inside. She can feel Jane's eyes on her and she wishes that she could see the emotions in her eyes, understand what she's feeling, but it's too dark and the lights on the tree are too soft. 

 

“God, there's more? Maura, you've got to stop, it's too much.”

 

“Well, then I guess you don't want your present,” Maura smirks, placing Regina's final gift under the tree and holding out Jane's gift to her. There is something about the darkness that is making her feel brave, despite the beat of her heart, and something that was a terrifying concept hours before seems like no big deal at all. She had put a lot of thought into Jane's gift. 

 

Jane takes it hesitantly, using both hands to hold the oddly shaped package. 

 

“What is it?”

 

“You'll have to open it.”

 

Jane squints and god, if it isn't the most adorable thing Maura has seen. “Right now?”

 

“I would prefer right now, yes.”

 

With a small shake of her head and a huff of a laugh through her nose, she tears away the wrapping paper to reveal a brand new basketball. Maura hopes that Jane gets what she's trying to say, that all those times on the blacktop at recess were the most important moments of her life. Watching Jane in her element, free from stress and doing what she loved was wonderful, but there were also all the times Jane had protected Maura on that same blacktop from people who didn't understand her. 

 

“I also got a hoop, it's being delivered later this week,” Maura says, and Jane looks up at her, but her face is hard to read. “I figured the three of us could shoot hoops sometime.”

 

“If I remember correctly, you were not very good at basketball.”

 

“Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it… I did it to hang out with you.”

 

Jane's face shifts and Maura can see that she is touched by the statement. She's looking at her with something Maura can only describe as adoration, a look she had only ever really seen on Jane's face when they were younger. The face is slightly different, more angular and grown up, but it's still as beautiful as it was back then. She is beautiful, and she always will be. 

 

“Thank you, Maura,” she murmurs, “This is very sweet.”

 

Maura smiles at her and she wants to come out and say what she's been dying to say for days, but something holds her back. She's a coward, she can't say it, so instead she ignores the pounding of her heart and checks her work under the tree.

 

“So, I left your two presents front and center, so she can see those first,” Maura says.

 

“Actually,” Jane pauses, “One of those is for you.”

 

She whips around at that and looks to Jane, who is steadily keeping her gaze. She hadn't expected Jane to get her anything, and now Jane is looking at her with determination and something else she can't quite put her finger on and she can't even imagine what she could have possibly gotten her. 

 

She kneels down on the floor, looking at the two gifts, and sure enough one of them has an envelope with her name on the front. As she picks it up, she notices that the paper feels thin and fragile, like tissue paper, and hopes it doesn't fall apart in her hands. She turns to Jane, and she can see behind the determination a hit of fear and shyness. 

 

“I...I feel like I need to explain.”

 

Maura sits down next to her on the couch, keeping her distance because she's not sure if being near Jane is the best idea for her. 

 

“Okay,” she says.

 

“I got you this gift the year you left.”

 

Maura's heart drops. That's was the last thing that she was expecting, and it makes her feel guilty and sad. 

 

“I tried to send it to your house for Christmas. I figured your parents could send it to you, because I didn't know anything about shipping or even where you were...and it got sent back to me. I was...pissed off when it came back. I didn't understand why your parents didn't want you to have it, and I was mad at you for leaving but... I didn't have the heart to get rid of it, so I kept it.”

 

Maura can feel her eyes watering, thinking about sweet, little Jane hiding this present in her room for years, not even knowing if the recipient would ever get it.

 

“It's still in the same wrapping paper, and it's the same card… I guess I hoped I would be able to give it to you eventually.”

 

“I can't believe you kept it all those years,” Maura murmurs.

 

Jane looks down at her hands, rubbing her thumbs across scars that Maura hadn't noticed until now. She knows they weren't there when Jane was a kid, and now she's curious as to where they came from, but it's not the time for that. Those questions will come later.

 

“You meant too much to me to just get rid of it,” she says, so softly that Maura wonders if she was even supposed to hear it. 

 

She reaches for the card, only to have Jane cover her hand with her own, stopping her progress. Maura looks up confused and Jane looks slightly terrified. 

 

“You should...open the present first, then read the card.”

 

Maura nods and allows Jane to take the card, a sheepish smile on her face, like maybe she regrets saying that but it's too late now. The wrapping looks almost professional with a few little tears in the corners from years of being hidden. She unties the ribbon and starts to peel away the paper, but she feels like she's going way too fast. She wants to savor this moment, but like everything else, time doesn't allow it. She gently balls up the paper, looking at the box before her as she sets the paper, now trash, aside. It's an ordinary box, nothing special, no labels to indicate what could be inside. She can hear the blood rushing in her ears as her heart beats against her ribcage, trying to escape. She lifts the lid off the box and she can feel Jane's leg shaking beside her. 

 

The picture frame is simple, dark brown wood, but the details added to it are bright and colorful. There are Christmas tree stickers and angels and hearts all over, something you couldn't find in a Michael's. Written across the top, in Jane's young handwriting, is “Best Friends”. And then the photo….

 

The picture is not one that Maura remembers taking, but she remembers that day. It was Thanksgiving, just before she left, and Angela had invited her over for the evening, filling her to the brim with turkey and potatoes, a meal that Maura hadn't experienced in her entire life. It was loud and wonderful, heartwarming and beautiful, and she got to spend the day with her best friend. It is one of the last good memories Maura has of her childhood. 

 

Maura remembers that time after dinner, when she and Jane could barely keep their eyes open, and everyone retired to the living room to watch White Christmas and stare at the tree. Jane's brothers had found a spot on the floor with some blankets while Jane and Maura took the couch, falling asleep only minutes into the movie. She didn't remember the little details, like falling asleep on Jane's shoulder, or the fact that they were holding hands.

 

But there it was. Captured in color on film, right in front of her eyes. At the bottom of the polaroid frame, Angela had written “Jane and Maura”. Little Maura was fast asleep on Jane's shoulder, their fingers lightly intertwined over their shared blanket and little Jane was looking at her with a contented smile on her face. The lighting in the picture is not dissimilar to the lighting in Jane's apartment right now, glowing and angelic like the perfect Christmas card. 

 

She's speechless, her heart so full, and she can't even look at Jane as tears form in her eyes again. 

 

“Jane…” she whispers, but she can't go on.

 

“I know it's cheesy…”

 

Maura shakes her head, tears tickling her cheeks and neck as they fall.

 

“This is the sweetest gift I have ever gotten.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Jane is smiling but it's unsure and Maura knows it's because she's crying. This gift is everything that Maura's parents never got her, sentimental, filled with love and thought. She reaches out for Jane's hand and scoots closer to her on the couch, practically sitting in her lap. At one point in time she might have been embarrassed by this, but now all she wants is to be closer to Jane. 

 

“This is beautiful,” Maura sniffs, “Thank you.”

 

“You really like it?” Jane asks, shyly. 

 

“Yes,” Maura nods, and laughs a little, “I love it.”

 

Jane smiles, but she still seems nervous, looking down at the card in her hand with her young handwriting on it.

 

“I guess you should read the card now,” she whispers, and reluctantly hands the card to Maura. 

 

Like the wrapping paper, the envelope is old, slightly yellowed and a little crunchy, but Maura opens it nonetheless. The card is simple, something you would get in a package of 10 identical ones for $5 at Target, but when she opens it up, all the white space is filled with Jane's sloppy handwriting.

 

_ Dear Maura _ , it says _ , I miss you so much. Ma showed me this picture a few weeks ago and I wanted you to have it to remember me by. You are the best friend I've ever had and I wish you didn't have to go. I wish you and I could just stay together forever, like in this picture. Maybe one day, when you come back, we can. I love you, Maura, and I hope you come back soon. Your best friend, Jane.  _

 

It's heartbreaking, the sadness Maura can feel in her words. She was lonely, probably for years, just like Maura. All that time when she thought she was alone, she had Jane and she just didn't know it. Bonded forever by their separation. 

 

“Do you want to know why it didn't work out between me and Regina's father?” Jane asks softly.

 

Maura cannot look at her, so she just nods and wipes some of her tears. 

 

“I couldn't stop thinking about you. He would touch me and it just didn't seem right, and your face would pop into my head and I didn't understand why that was...until you came back.”

 

Finally, Maura looks up. She can’t resist any longer, and when she does, she finds that Jane is also in tears. But the smile on her face is so soft and so loving that she knows Jane isn't sad. She's relieved. 

 

“I'm in love with you, Maura. And I think I've just been saving myself and waiting for you to come back...is that stupid?”

 

Maura isn't sure how to answer, so instead she acts. She places her gift gently to the side and reaches her hand out to knot in Jane's curls, pulling her close.

 

“Can I kiss you?” Maura asks with Jane's lips just inches from hers.

 

Instead of answering, Jane leans forward and does it for her, taking Maura's bottom lip between her own and sighing into her mouth. She's shaking and Maura can feel every tremble of anxiety start to leave Jane's body. Her lips are so soft, and because she doesn't really remember the kiss from last night, she gets to experience it all over again. She tastes like mint chocolate and smells like lavender, her hair so soft between Maura's fingers. 

 

“I love you, too,” Maura mumbles against her lips as they start to pull apart.

 

The look of love on Jane's face is so beautiful and soft that Maura wishes she could capture it in a bottle and bring it out for rainy days. She stores it as a mental picture instead, stroking Jane's cheek softly with her thumb, but then, just like that, it's gone. Replaced with fear and panic, Jane pulls away from Maura and the dim lighting makes it look even more harsh and obvious. 

 

“Shit.”

 

“Jane? What's wrong?”

 

“You're engaged,” Jane says, standing up, “ and the wedding is in 2 days.”

 

“Jane--”

 

“I can't do that to Jack, he's actually a decent guy, and you love him so that should be good enough for me. Shit, why did I do this, I knew I shouldn't have--”

 

“We called it off.”

 

Jane looks at her for a minute, stunned.

 

“What?”

 

Maura smiles and stands up, taking Jane's hands, hoping to calm her down. “He saw you kiss me last night… and he saw me kiss you back.”

 

“Shit, I didn't mean to break up your marriage, I'm--”

 

“No...he...I don't think I was in love with him. I think he knew that all along, but because I wasn't straying, he thought it was okay...it's not your fault we broke up.”

 

Jane bites her lip. “Are you sure?”

 

“Jane,” Maura says, kissing her softly on the lips, “I'm sure.”

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

Maura shakes her head. “Let's not worry about that right now.”

 

Instead she wraps her arms around Jane's waist and kisses her again, leading her back to the couch. She lays her down, then straddles her hips as she slips her hands under Jane's pajama top. Her skin is warm and soft, delicate like the petals of a flower. She kisses down Jane's jaw and cheek before finding a spot on Jane's neck to nip and suck. 

 

“Maura,” Jane moans between kisses, “we can't.”

 

“Why not?” She says, but doesn't stop.

 

“Regina...she's a light sleeper.”

 

Maura sighs and lays her head on Jane's chest. “Right.”

 

She chuckles and strokes Maura's hair. “Let's just lay here for a little while,” Jane whispers, “I want to hold you.”

 

She doesn't argue, just stretches out her legs and tucks herself into Jane's side and the couch, feeling her finger scrape gently through her hair. She cannot remember the last time she felt so loved, so full of joy and happiness. Her heart feels so heavy, but in a good way, and she revels in Jane's warmth. 

 

Just a week ago, Maura was the lowest, mentally, that she had ever been. She had wanted love and protection, and she had wanted to be in a place where she felt like she belonged. It was the same thing that she had always wanted, but she never expected to find that so quickly. She would have never guessed that Jane and Regina were all that she needed. She had always wanted a family, and now, she had one again.

 

The twinkling lights of the tree shine down on them, casting the room in a soft, yellow haze, as they hold each other tightly and drift off to peaceful sleep. 

*********

The next morning Maura is awaken by the biggest gasp coming from one little girl in front of the tree. 

 

“Regina, shhh,” Jane whispers.

 

“She really is Mrs. Claus, look at all these presents!”

 

“Regina, please, she's sleeping.”

 

“Oh, sorry.”

 

Maura smiles and squeezes Jane tighter, but keeps her eyes closed. She feels Jane kiss her forehead, her lips slightly cool compared to her own skin.

 

“Ma,” Regina whispers, “Can I open one?”

 

“You can open mine first,” Jane says, “Then you can open the others.”

 

Regina makes an excited noise in her throat and then the room is filled with the crinkling of paper. 

 

“A sweater?” Regina gasps quietly, “I love it. Thank you, mama.”

 

“You're welcome, baby.”

 

“Which one should I open now?”

 

“Mmm,” Jane hums, and Maura can hear it through her chest, a sweet accompaniment to the beat of her heart and her breathing. “Try that purple one.”

 

“Okay,” she says, and it's almost drowned out by the paper sounds. Regina gasps again, a little louder than before. “It's a Lego pirate ship, Ma, look!”

 

“Jesus,  _ Santa _ really went all out.”

 

“Maura probably had the elves make this one.”

 

Jane chuckles. “Yeah, probably.”

 

Maura smiles to herself as she pretends to sleep. Jane kisses her occasionally and strokes her hair, and Maura pretends to sleep as she listens to Regina, basking in her happiness. This family is brand new, but Maura knows that's what they are, and she has never been happier. 

  
**The End**


End file.
